President War Crimer Spends Weekend Cyberbullying Iran On Twitter


Hillary Clinton warned us all that an unstable reality TV host would make a piss-poor commander-in-chief of the world's most powerful military. Unfortunately, she shrunk the testicles of insecure men in the rust belt, so here we are. Donald Trump, flush from killing Iranian General Qasem Soleimani, tweeted threats at Iran yesterday like a drunk-dialing Dr. Evil. Duck and cover, y'all.

See, this is why Kamala Harris wanted to take Trump's Twitter away and send him to bed without his dessert. The fool's playng the dozens with Iran on social media. He even has WARNING in ALL CAPS so Iran knows he's serious. It's bonkers. This ain't how you foreign policy. It's not even how you mobster. Cobra Commander at least took the time to broadcast his maniacal threats on live television in a freshly pressed super villain suit. Our so-called president just tweets out deranged gibberish while straining one out on the White House toilet. Forget extorting Ukraine. This alone is the kind of crap presidents get impeached over in saner countries. Here, it's another Saturday in the park.

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Trump isn't just playing 52 pickup. Iran held 52 Americans hostage in 1979, and Trump or either the morons surrounding him believe Iran will shiver from all the symbolism. Of course, deliberately targeting a nation's cultural sites is a war crime. This isn't some new snowflake theory. The precedent was established during the Civil War. We yelled at Nazis in Nuremberg for this crap. Trump obviously possesses neither the moral core nor working knowledge of the law to comprehend the flaws in his mad scheme.

However, wrecking buildings of cultural importance is old hat for Trump. Also back in 1979, Trump razed the Bonwit Teller building so he could construct that grotesque monument to his vanity, Trump Tower. The classic art deco building was built by the same architects who designed Grand Central Station. The top of the building featured two stunning limestone reliefs of dancing women that Trump promised to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for its sculpture collection. Instead, he jackhammered them into oblivion because Trump's promises are worth as much as his marriage vows.

John Baron, a spokesman for the Trump Organization—who, the New York Daily News discovered, turned out to be Donald Trump himself in disguise—told the Times that "the merit of these stones was not great enough to justify the effort to save them." He said it would have cost $32,000 to remove the sculptures and cited appraisals by three independent appraisers that found them to be "without artistic merit" and worth less than $9,000. Their removal, he said, would also have delayed demolition work by at least a week and a half. (Trump, as himself, later estimated the cost of preserving the panels at $500,000.)

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Conservatives might think other countries show us their backsides because they think we're "weak" but in reality, they all know we have lots of bombs. Saber-rattling, especially on Twitter, is just empty bluster. It's how irrational nine year olds show they're in charge. The upside for Trump is he doesn't have to worry about Iran targeting any US cultural sites he'd care about. His name doesn't appear on any building a hostile nation would bother destroying.

[Town and Country]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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