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Wow, what the fuck happened yesterday? That was Wonkette's question when Donald Trump showed up in the Rose Garden for an "unplanned" (LOL) news conference, which he spent bitching about how it's no fair that Democrats are investigating him, and swore with his hand on a Big Mac wrapper that if they won't stop, then he's NOT! GONNA! PRESIDENT! AND! YOU! CAN'T! MAKE! HIM! That's right, HE QUITS, but he's NOT GONNA LEAVE, because Vladimir Putin BOUGHT HIM THAT OVAL OFFICE FAIR AND SQUARE!

TBH, we are not sure what he has decided to quit doing, since he hasn't really accomplished anything in his presidency besides whatever Mitch McConnell did for him. It's not like the fucker really "goes to work" or anything. Hey, remember all those presidents with stronger backbones than Donald Trump, who still managed to sign major legislation even though they were under investigation? Those were the days! (Yes, we are now officially nostalgic for "Watergate." No, we weren't born yet, what is wrong with you!)

We are now getting more background on what went down inside the White House before Trump's "unplanned" tantrum. As Chuck Schumer explained last night on Rachel Maddow, he's pretty sure part of why Trump noped out of the planned "Infrastructure Week" meeting with the Dems was that, on top of how he's so fucking scared and mad right now because the walls are closing in and his dirty finances are about to be exposed, he's also too fucking incompetent to actually make an infrastructure plan, which was literally his only homework for the meeting. Schumer said Trump blowing it all up and taking his toys and running out to the Rose Garden to cry to his dead mommy was, essentially, his excuse for getting out of the meeting. (Schumer wasn't as mean as Wonkette was just then. But he was pretty mean!)

Schumer also said that what happened in the White House yesterday "would make your jaw drop," right after Nancy Pelosi stated that, as always, she is praying for the president.


What apparently got Trump so mad, according to the Washington Post, is that Pelosi said earlier in the morning that he was doing a "cover-up" when it comes to the real results of the Mueller investigation and all the other six thousand investigations into his crimes. No, we don't know why that particular thing made him so mad, except maybe that he is definitely doing a "cover-up," and he's upset that he's been FOILED AGAIN! by the majority of the American public that's smarter than he is, and he's apoplectically rolling around on the floor crying -- like Kaiser Wilhelm II, good Lord, that comparison gets apter each and every day -- about the fact that we're all on to him.

Indeed, when he got out there to the podium, one of the things he said was, "I don't do cover-ups!"

But as the Post explains, the change in plans -- you know, the planned temper tantrum -- was supposed to be an "ambush."

Trump had decided, with buy-in from his staff, to essentially ambush Pelosi, Senate Minority Leader Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) and others, according to accounts of the events from White House and congressional officials. The Democrats had been invited for a sit-down on what both parties say is the pressing need for a funding plan for roads, bridges and so forth. Rather than cancel the meeting, the White House let Pelosi and the others walk into the trap.

THE TRAP!

What's that thing Pelosi said afterward? Oh yeah, that she is praying for the president.

So they got to the White House, but there was A TRAP, which was laid out like so:

"He walks in, goes to the head of the table, not even his assigned seat, doesn't sit, doesn't shake anyone's hand. Stands there and begins a lecture," one aide said.

That is just a really good trap.

And um, then he went and had his tantrum. He had notes prepared for his tantrum, of course. An enterprising Washington Post photographer, Jabin Botsford, got a picture of them. Right there on the page, in Trump's distinctive weirdass handwriting, he had a note reminding him to say that the "DEMS HAVE NO ACHOMLISHMENTS."

We're going to give you this tweet from another Post reporter, but you need to please click through and view Botsford's beautiful pic in all its glory:

It is true, the Dems have very few ACHOMLISHMENTS.

Of course, as the Post and others have reported, Pelosi and Schumer were still inside, and they tried to keep going with the meeting:

LOL Kellyanne Conway, go eat squirrel shit under a rock in hell, because Pelosi would have said that to the boys, or really to anyone else who wasn't THE PRESIDENT. Of course, Kellyanne Conway doesn't really know what "feminism" is, because Republicans never do, so she probably has no clue what a dumbfuck she sounded like when she said that.

Anyway, that is the story of what happened yesterday, at least as far as we know!

Grandpa is, of course, awake and tweeting, because like he said yesterday, he's NOT GOING TO WORK until or unless the Democrats stop their investigations! And since he is only and always projecting his own fears, insecurities and general loser-ness onto others, this is what he is tweeting about:

What he means to say is that Donald Trump has no achomlishments.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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photo by Dominic Gwinn

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

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