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Good news, everyone, the real president is back. Oh wait, that is the opposite of good news. Well, anyway, the moron who sniffed and gummed his way through five or six canned words about how hate and murder in El Paso are bad, but did not see fit to mention Latinos in an address about the mass murder of Latinos, is back on his Twitter machine, which means he's A) watching Fox News instead of going to work, as usual, and B) expressing his true feelings on life, love and things that are Barack Obama's fault.

And oh, what a morning of Executive Time Poop-Squatting Twitter-Punching he's had!

First you should know that he's mad about Barack Obama's statement about our weekend of mass shooting terrorism, because Fox News told him to be mad.


Well, if Barack Obama had run on a platform of committing violence toward kids, or regularly incited violence toward kids every time he opened his mouth, then maybe Bush might have said something like that. There was no line between Obama's rhetoric and what happened at Sandy Hook. In fact, Obama spoke out forcefully for gun control and cried with shooting victims' families, and he might have gotten more done on the issue as president if the GOP Congress had been willing to lift a finger to help solve the problem.

Meanwhile, the trail of the blood of innocents mass-murdered in white supremacist shooting attacks travels directly from Donald Trump's gaping shithole yap cavern, where it forms into new words of hatred and incitement to violence against minorities, and this happens so often that there is now a running list of white supremacist attacks that were either directly or indirectly inspired by Trump.

In other words, shut the fuck up, President Grand Wizard.

(Hey, did y'all hear the Trump re-elect has been buying Facebook ads about immigrant "invasions" that read just like the El Paso shooter's manifesto? Knock you down with birds of a feather!)

Let's see, what else is up that loser's ass today?

Oh yes, black unemployment, the thing Trump likes to say to "proves" he is not racist, but has zero to do with anything his administration has accomplished. In order for that to be the case, Trump's administration would have to have positive accomplishments to speak of. Instead, he's a do-nothing sad-sack thin-skinned fuckswallop whose only defense against his decades-long record of bigotry is "but black unemployment!" Surprised he didn't mention he got that rapper out of Swedish prison.

Trump's next whine is about the Google, because you know how computers are always discriminating against him. Let's count the obvious lies:

1. There is no way Sundar Pichai, the CEO of Google, fawned all over Trump like that. He probably flattered Trump to a point, though, because it's a well-known fact that Trump is highly susceptible to belly scratches. Just remember, though, that whenever Trump is telling you about a person who was overly conciliatory, or who begged for a job behind closed doors, or anything like that, he is lying. Also, if he claims they called him "sir."

2. We do believe that Pichai tried to reassure the idiot president, who recently called a "social media summit" at the White House so that he and his favorite incels could whine about their Twitter follower counts, that Google did not rig the election (which he "won") for Hillary Clinton. That's entirely plausible.

3. Kevin Cernekee, a former Google engineer, is one of those whiny ass titty babies who believes in his heart of hearts that he's been discriminated against by Silicon Valley for being a conservative. Cernekee was on the Lou Dobbs show last night, and as we all know Donald Trump thinks Lou Dobbs, the only septuagenarian racist we know of with hair as weapons grade-fucked as Trump's, is a very cool and smart guy. And we know Trump was watching, because he's a lazy fuck who lies around on his ass watching Lou Dobbs, and because he tweeted about it.

Gizmodo fills in some of the blanks on Kevin Cernekee, the very serious person our very serious president is citing as an expert:

In reality, [Cernekee] had reportedly urged other Googlers to contribute to a "bounty" to find an individual who punched white supremacist Richard Spencer, as well as suggested that the Golden State Skinheads (GSS) rebrand so as to provide better "branding" for the "American nationalist Right."

In the clip from Lou Dobbs Tonight posted to the president's feed at 9:33 p.m. ET, former Google engineer Kevin Cernekee parroted debunked claims that the company's executives "want to use all the power and all the resources that they have to control the flow of information to the public and make sure that Trump loses in 2020." This dovetails nicely with Trump's grudge against Google, which along with all of the president's other perceived political enemies, he has targeted with baseless smears and doctored videos asserting a devious conspiracy against him.

Read the whole Gizmodo. It's BATSHIT.

4. From Kevin Cernekee to fucking Peter Schweizer? Yes, the Clinton Cash author who holds the distinction of writing a book so poorly sourced and flat-out wrong that it was debunked before it was even published. We are certain he is a really good expert on what The Google did to hurt Donald Trump's feelings in 2016, in service of the evil queen Hillary Clinton.

One more tweet from fucker? Perhaps doubling down on his stupidass plan to Art of the Deal China into submission by ruining the American economy? Sure why not.

Now, that last tweet came out at 7:36 AM, but do not think the president of the United States went to work after that, because we have no reason to believe he did that. He tweeted whatever this shit is just a few minutes ago, which according to clocks was after noon on the east coast:

OK cool, that's enough Donald Trump for this post. We don't know if exposure to Trump's Twitter feed works like exposure to radiation, but we just got finished watching "Chernobyl" and we don't want to take any chances.

Plus, we think he may be on his way to Dayton, to "comfort" the people. Or Toledo. Or, you know, wherever.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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