Pretty Weird How All These People In Trumpland Keep Getting Caught Doing Crimes!
Yesterday, Trump's former BFF and inaugural chair Tom Barrack was indicted for secretly acting as an agent of the Emirati government (UAE) and working to shape US policy for their benefit. And fam, we are shook!
Criminal activity in Trumpland? Next you'll be telling us there's gambling at Rick's, that family-friendly Moroccan restaurant we like to hit up for milkshakes and piano ballads!
Although, there was that one time where the national security advisor got arrested for lying to the FBI about his contacts with the Russian ambassador. Sure, Mike Flynn pled guilty multiple times under oath and copped to violating the Foreign Agents Registration Act by concealing his work on behalf of the Turkish government. But the Justice Department dropped the prosecution, so, no harm, no foul, right?
Plus there was that unpleasantness with Trump's campaign manager Paul Manafort and his deputy Rick Gates. But that was all bank fraud and failure to pay taxes — nothing to do with Trump himself. And Manafort got pardoned, so, really it's like it never happened.
Probably just a coincidence that Steve Bannon, another campaign manager, was indicted in a scheme to bilk money from the rubes to pay for a home brew border wall. Thank God for that pardon pen to wash away all sins!
And Trump can hardly be blamed if the coffee boy gets popped for lying to the FBI, too. But it was nice of the old man to pardon the kid anyway.
Sure, Trump's longtime personal lawyer and former RNC finance chair Michael Cohen was convicted of lying to Congress. Ditto for his political advisor Roger Stone, whose get-out-of-jail-free card appears to have come too soon to save him from prosecution for failing to pay his taxes. And there's that business with another former RNC finance chair, Elliott Broidy, a mega fundraiser for the GOP who pled guilty to acting as an unregistered agent for Malaysian government interests. Lucky thing he got that eleventh hour pardon!
Also there's that little hiccup with Trump Org CFO Allen Weisselberg, who just got indicted for tax fraud by the state of New York. But obviously that is WITCH HUNT, and nothing to do with pervasive illegal conduct in the former president's eponymous company.
In short, Donald Trump is, by his own admission, "the most innocent man in the history of the United States." An avatar of upstanding morality, scrupulous accounting, and marital fidelity. His associates are all the best people, and you can judge him by the rarefied company he keeps.
No criminal! No criminal! You are the guy who hangs out with a bunch of criminals while howling to "LOCK HER UP!" your political opponent!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.