Donate

We all know that Republicans are, generally speaking, heartless monsters who don't care about anyone but themselves, but you'd naively hope multiple airings of It's a Wonderful Life combined with the tragic death of a seven-year-old girl might cause their hearts to grow three sizes at least.

Not so much! Because the little girl wasn't a fetus competing with a woman's autonomy and was also a Guatemalan migrant who died in the custody of US Border Control. Republicans have since turned up on our TVs telling us why the death of Jackeline Caal was entirely her own fault.

Jason Chaffetz appeared on Fox News last night to inform its sociopathic viewers of the true "message" of Caal's death, which is that a seven-year-old girl should not have chosen to "make this journey" to America with her parents. Chaffetz also probably believes that Tiny Tim shouldn't have chosen a dead-ass broke father. What was he thinking?

Chaffetz's victim-blaming also implies that it was the journey itself that killed Caal. That's not true. She was very much alive when she and her father turned themselves in to Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agents in New Mexico last week. She died in their custody. The dictionary defines "custody" as "the protective care or guardianship of someone or something." The Department of Homeland Security defines it as "ain't our problem."

DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen released a statement on Caal's death that exhibited the depth of human feeling we normally see from Scrooge before the ghosts show up. I'm surprised it didn't end with "If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."

Wow, that's kind of callous and heartless. It's irrelevant that the journey is dangerous. This is like if an alien lands in Times Square, says "I come in peace. By they way, does anyone have spare Hamilton tickets," and the cops shoot her dead. The NYPD's statement shouldn't open with a passive-aggressivement reminder of the perils of space travel: "As we have always said, crossing the vastness of space is a treacherous proposition. You never know when representatives of a cruel species will mow you down. Best to wait until the touring company of Hamilton comes to you. We're a nation of laws."

However, words can be cold and dispassionate. Maybe it'll come across better once Nielsen throws on a fresh human suit and goes on TV to express something in the proximity of genuine remorse.

Sweet Christ! That is so much worse! Bring back the words, please! I need the comfort of the words.

I dunno. I hate to accuse people of gangster-like antics but responding to the senseless death of a migrant child in US custody with a winking "warning" about how dangerous it is to come here illegally is kinda gangster. She keeps trying to hammer home this key point: Your children aren't safe here. We'll either enroll them in Kiddie Jail Academy or we'll watch them accidentally die in our custody like they're Cool Hand Luke.

Really? I'm supposed to feel sorry that this woman was heckled in Mexican restaurants?

We're a couple of weeks away from Christmas, when those so inclined will celebrate the birth of a child whose parents went on a dangerous journey that could've gotten them all killed. Republicans will lecture us about not saying "Merry Christmas" whenever an angel sneezes or something like that, but they seem to have no problem with the very un-Christ-like sentiments regarding the death of Jackeline Caal. It may well be that in the sight of Heaven, they are more worthless and less fit to live than millions like this seven year old girl.

Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

Yr Wonkette is supported ONLY by reader donations, and it's the end of the year! If you've got spare scratch lying around, why not send it our way?

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work.

$
Donate with CC

HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc