'Prophetess' Running For Mayor Of Toledo Is Now Also A Wrestling Champion
Meet Opal Covey! Opal has been running for Mayor of Toledo, Ohio since 2012 and is a self-proclaimed prophetess with a flair for fashion and a dream to fill the city with amusement parks (and the potholes with asphalt). She claims that despite coming in last in all of these elections, she actually won them but all the votes were destroyed because "voter fraud" and that if the City of Toledo does not elect her, God will do a bunch of wrath to it.
And now she is a wrestling champion!
Yes, this Thursday, Opal made her wrestling debut on something called "Extreme Chaos Wrestling." But rather than spending the whole match doing wrestling stuff, Opal just ranted incoherently for seven minutes, until some guy named "Pain Train" showed up. Then some other guy hit Pain Train over the head with some kind of wooden stick, and Opal put her foot on his back and yelled triumphantly, the clear winner of this definitely real wrestling match.
Local "Politician" Opal Covey Takes on Local Indy wrestler. youtu.be
I AM SO HERE FOR THIS. I am also extremely into this 2015 interview with Opal. Come for the plan to put amusement parks everywhere, stay for the speaking in tongues. And the eyebrows.
Opal Covey Candidate Profile PKG www.youtube.com
Now, I am sure that Opal has a whole lot of terrible opinions on things. She's a Republican, she's not too fond of abortion, and I'm sure that despite looking like she stepped right out of a John Waters movie, she's got some pretty regressive opinions on things....
And yet, when I heard her song, my heart burst. THE VOICE OF A GODDAMN ANGEL.
The Singing Opal Covey www.youtube.com
I mean, I'm just in awe here. She's pretty much the platonic ideal of "extremely my shit." How can I not love a perennial mayoral candidate with eyebrows and hair like that, who speaks in tongues, thinks she can predict the future, doesn't know she can't sing and is basically the love child of Tammy Faye Baker and Mrs. Miller?
Mrs. Miller- "Downtown"/Interview/"Shadow Of Your Smile" LIVE 1966 [Reelin' In The Years Archives] www.youtube.com
She's everything I want in a YouTube video/side character in a Russ Meyer movie and more. I mean, just think of the weird ass knicknack collection she must have.
Opal's also got quite the backstory, all about how God started talking to her at a very young age and then Dr. Jesus came and cured her strep throat, as he is wont to do.
Holy Toledo: A Non Prophet Video www.youtube.com
She's like the Protestant version of the grandmother from Pecker, with bigger hair and eyebrows of glamour.
Full of Grace www.youtube.com
There is no way that I will not be spending the next several hours watching clips of this woman on YouTube (which is probably why I'm single, but whatevs). You are welcome to do so as well, and you are also welcome to stick around here and talk amongst yourselves because this is your OPEN THREAD!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse