Proud Boy Enrique Tarrio Arrested And Charged With Taking Notes On A Criminal F*cking Conspiracy

January 6
Proud Boy Enrique Tarrio Arrested And Charged With Taking Notes On A Criminal F*cking Conspiracy

And now, for your viewing pleasure, here is footage of that Proud Boy wanker Enrique Tarrio getting arrested yesterday morning in his underwear.



On March 1, a grand jury in DC indicted the infamous Afro-Cuban white nationalist Aladdin aficionado and five of his fellow face-lickers for conspiring to obstruct Congress. Joseph Biggs, Ethan Nordean, Charles Donohoe, Dominic Pezzola, and Zachary Rehl, the other indictees, were already facing charges, but Tarrio was added in the superseding eight-count indictment unsealed yesterday. He was not personally in DC on January 6, after getting arrested on January 4 for burning a Black Lives Matter sign stolen off a historic Black church the prior December and told to leave the District.


According to the indictment, Tarrio decamped for Baltimore, which is an odd choice for someone convinced that racial justice protestors burned down America's cities in devastating riots. But before he headed up 95, he met with Oath Keepers leader Stewart Rhodes in an underground parking garage for 30 minutes.

Rhodes and his compatriots have been charged with seditious conspiracy, a distinction Tarrio and his band of goons have thus far managed to avoid, probably because they didn't have an arsenal of weapons stored in Virginia just waiting to surge in and start murdering people. But like the Oafs, the Boys engaged in shockingly bad op-sec, all while congratulating themselves on their own manliness and sophistication.

The indictment describes a bunch of self-important dipshits who think they're the second coming of the Continental Army, with Tarrio playing the part of George Washington. They planned a Ministry of Self Defense which Tarrio cautioned would "have a top down structure" where men would "fit in or fuck off."

"Let's get radical and get real men," Tarrio urged the January 6 steering team, which included a Marketing Council and a Planning Council, just like the prom committee. They even had a theme, "1776 Returns," with plans for the group to occupy "crucial buildings" in DC.

Tarrio's crafty plan was for them to go in costume as NOT Proud Boys: "[We'll] turn out in record numbers on Jan 6th, but this time with a twist ... We will not be wearing our traditional Black and Yellow. We will be incognito and we will be spread across downtown DC in smaller teams. And who knows ... we might dress in all BLACK for the occasion."

So twisty! Although not, perhaps, in the way that Tarrio thought, since clearly someone in the chat refused all his admonitions to delete the messages — i.e., destroy evidence — and handed them over to the feds. Doh!

The group chatted on various encrypted channels, and periodically Tarrio and his pals would decide they'd been compromised and shout that it was time to "nuke" it, demanding that each member manually delete every message.

And even though he wasn't on the ground in DC on the day of the Capitol Riot, Tarrio was still very much involved in their conspiracy:

At approximately 2:39 p.m., TARRIO responded to a question posed by a Proud Boys member — "Are we a militia yet?" — with a one word voice note in which TARRIO stated, "Yep." TARRIO then posted two additional messages that stated, "Make no mistake..." and then "We did this..."

Team Mensa has been charged with conspiracy to obstruct official proceeding, obstruction of an official proceeding, civil disorder, destruction of government property, and assaulting and resisting officers. Tarrio, who was arrested in Miami and claimed at his arraignment to have no assets, was assigned a public defender. He'll have a bail hearing on Friday, at which the government will try to convince a federal judge to detain him pending trial.

And, okay, we know these guys are violent and dangerous, and there's nothing funny about a plot to overthrow democracy. At the same time, there has never been anyone on earth who took more extensive notes on a criminal fucking conspiracy, and these idiots are going to jail, which is hilarious.

[Indictment / US v. Nordean / WaPo]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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