Proud Russian Roulette Survivor Herschel Walker Thinks You’re Just Jealous Of How Awesome He Is
Republican Senate candidate and occasional Georgia resident Herschel Walker is currently polling ahead of incumbent Democratic Senator Raphael Warnock. The same poll that shows Donald Trump crushing President Joe Biden by 15 points in Georgia also has Walker up four points over Warnock.
This is quite distressing. Warnock is an amazing senator, and Walker is like that old “In Living Color” sketch about the punch-drunk boxer. Someone tweeted this weekend in despair: "Herschel Walker says he has played Russian roulette 'over six times’ in his life. Georgia, please don't play Russian roulette with democracy. Reelect your great Senator Reverend Raphael Warnock!”
Yes, Walker once told Howard Stern that he played Russian roulette “because I love competition so much. I’ve done that over six times. I just love competition so much.”
Stern, the voice of reason in this scenario, tried explaining to Walker that Russian roulette is not actually a game of skill but potentially a death sentence.
“At no point do you say to yourself, ‘I love living, I love life’?” Stern asked.
“No,” Walker said. “I just loved to compete. I thought that was the ultimate.”
It’s not a competition! It’s two morons trying their luck.
Maybe Georgia voters are just impressed with Walker’s Russian roulette survival rate.
The GOP frontrunner appeared on Fox News's "Sunday Morning Futures" where host Maria Bartiromo tossed him some Democrat-bashing softballs.
"They decided they were gonna give up all the energy. By him going out, giving up all the energy, now we're not energy independent anymore, which started the whole downfall" -- Herschel Walker's analysis of energy policy doesn't show a grasp of details or really anything at allpic.twitter.com/WR5GkqS8ma— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1649605655
BARTIROMO: Tell us what changed in the last 14 months since Warnock won that seat?
WALKER: What has changed? Where do you start? Where do you start at what has changed?
Hold on, he’s getting there.
WALKER: We’ve got an administration that’s not leaders. They’re more reactive rather than proactive. What I mean by that is one of the first things they did is I think people need to know this is they decided they were gonna give up all the energy. By him going out, giving up all the energy, now we're not energy independent anymore, which started the whole downfall.
This almost makes me miss the subtle eloquence of Sarah Palin.
Bartiromo asked about Warnock but Walker’s talking about Biden, we guess, unless he thinks Warnock sets the nation’s energy policies. Obviously, very little of that verbal diarrhea is accurate but Walker doesn’t need a functioning brain to serve MAGA interests in the Senate. He has perfectly good thumbs for voting against Biden’s policies and rejecting his electoral votes from most 2024 swing states.
Sarah Reese Jones at PoliticusUSA shared this absurd clip where Bartiromo performed clean up duty on Walker’s repeated lies about his academic credentials.
Herschel Walker changes his story about graduating college and claims people are jealous of him, "I did graduate high school as one of the top students in my class...When they're attacking me, that's meaning they're gelling jealous of -- jealous of me.pic.twitter.com/ME3J4iaUd4— Sarah Reese Jones (@Sarah Reese Jones) 1649602953
BARTIROMO: The more popular you become the more attacks are coming your way. The New York Times said you were the worst candidate Trump endorsed. They are attacking you for your academic achievements, as well.
This is like saying the press has attacked me for my Tony Awards. Walker has falsely stated that he graduated from the University of Georgia (in the top one percent of his class, no less) and that he was valedictorian of his high school class. Bartiromo shamelessly didn’t challenge Walker when his barely coherent response ignored the actual accusations against him.
WALKER: Well, you know what’s so funny? I did graduate high school as one of the top students in my class, so they can continue to attack me all they want to, but I don’t care. When they’re attacking me, that’s meaning they’re getting jealous of — jealous of me. The people of Georgia know I’m the top one for this job, even my opponent on the Republican side know that I’m the one to win this side.
Walker notably skipped the Republican Senate primary debate this weekend. Why would he? The other candidates could only criticize him in terms that remind everyone he’s a former football star.
“Every coach that he had in the past instructed him that you’ll not play in the game if you don’t show up for practice,” said fellow U.S. Senate candidate Gary Black. “But his coaches now have him locked in the basement of the locker room. I think it’s a shame.”
It’ll be a shame for sure when Walker runs away with the nomination next month. Not bothering with the debate also freed up Walker to openly campaign with Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who didn’t look too worried about people questioning his objectivity.
Great to be with an incredible Supreme Court Justice and an even better man, Clarence Thomas. Justice Thomas is a strict Constitutionalist who has dedicated his life to law and order.pic.twitter.com/qZm9j9dlzI— Herschel Walker (@Herschel Walker) 1649420627
Literally, nothing matters any more.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."