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You don't want to visit the Twitter feed of El Shithead Tyrant Tiny Hands Big Face McGee right now. It actually might make you sick to your stomach if you love this country. Here's all you need to know, from a man who thinks he's king, and by his tweeting frequency has always shown us that he works approximately the same hours as a king, by which we mean "not many":

Wow. Please tell us more, Bill Barr, about how your Department of Protecting A Criminal President At All Costs is totally acting independently! It is a good lie-story, for telling children!

By now, unless you've solely been paying attention to the New Hampshire primary, you know that yesterday was a very bad day for America and for the rule of law and for our status as a free country. After career prosecutors recommended a seven-to-nine year sentence for Roger Stone, Trump's political guru with the head that's shaped so wrong it's hard to look at it, Attorney General Bill Barr intervened like the low rent Big Lots rest stop Roy Cohn he is, decided that sentence was too long, and embarrassed the entire justice system by having his new low-rent (acting) US attorney for DC file a supplement that said actually Roger Stone should go to jail for a lot less time. After all, Stone is a Trump crony, therefore the laws shouldn't apply to him.

This led all four career prosecutors on the Stone case to say fuck off, I am out of here. ALL FOUR. We hasten to point out that that is not a thing that happens, and if it happens, it means people are pulling the fucking fire alarm. Indeed, after only the second prosecutor pulled out, former US attorney Joyce Vance called it a "4-alarm fire."

But amazingly that's not all the tyrant shit Trump and the men he's appointed to lick his dick pulled yesterday. Consider these stories that all broke in the space of about 24 hours:


Why Do We Always Call Bill Barr 'Trump's Low Rent Boy Wonder Dollar Store Roy Cohn'? Because That's The Name His Mom Sewed In His Underpants, ALLEGEDLY.

NBC News, while it was tallying whether Bald Crotch, New Hampshire's 236 blue collar Democrats would help widen Bernie Sanders's 2,000-vote lead over Pete Buttigieg, broke a really important story confirming that yes, where the Department of Justice appears to be doing nothing more than giving Trump protection and reacharounds and a fluttering tongue in his hairy orange earhole, that is exactly what it is doing, and Bill Barr is the guy doing it.

Headlined "Barr takes control of legal matters of interest to Trump, including Stone sentencing," it details where exactly Barr's grubby paws have been. For instance:

Why did the US attorney overseeing the investigation into former acting FBI director and Trump bête noire Andrew McCabe get removed all of a sudden in January, after that investigation found pretty much no crimes to charge McCabe with, on account of how he didn't commit crimes? Barr.

That was Jessie Liu, the US attorney for DC who was handpicked by Trump and who also oversaw the Stone prosecution, the Flynn prosecution, and everything else that's gone through the DC district. It was weird when Liu was pushed out all of a sudden. But worry not, everyone, don't pay attention! Liu was merely being appointed to a fancy schmancy job over at Treasury, and would thus need to leave her US attorney job early, months before Senate confirmation for the new job, in order to spend the next several months rearranging her bookshelves and catching up on her Hulu recommendations. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

Barr of course replaced Liu with his own handpicked idiot, Timothy Shea, in an acting capacity for now (of course), and that is the guy whose embarrassing signature is on yesterday's DOJ "just kidding!" filing in the Stone case.

As NBC News explains, during the throes of Trump's impeachment, Barr's DOJ also quietly got the sentencing recommendations for Michael Flynn, who hired a Fox News emoji-addicted conspiracy theory lawyer to literally blow up his plea deal, changed from "jail" to "what about NOT jail," in a filing that came the very same day they kicked Jessie Liu out of her job, but again, DON'T WORRY, SHE IS GETTING "BIG JOB" AT "TREASURY."

Except for how yesterday, Donald Trump pulled her nomination for that fancy job at Treasury, undersecretary for terrorism and financial crimes, we guess as part of his campaign of revenge against all who do things Dear Leader does not like and thereby give Dear Leader the runs.

And what's the status of Michael Flynn's sentencing, which has been scheduled and then unscheduled 50 times in the last year? Oh, just unscheduled again. Thanks, Bill Barr!

Where's Barr's primetime TV dinosaur face in all this? Don't you think that, considering the political magnitude of Barr's moves this week, a real attorney general who had done nothing wrong and really thought he was acting in America's best interests would be out there trying to explain himself?

Yeah, you'd think that.

Let's Fuck Over Somebody At The Pentagon Who Committed The Unpardonable Sin Of Not Wanting To Commit Crimes For Donald Trump!

If you've been a voracious reader of the limited number of emails we've seen of Trump committing his criminal Ukraine aid freeze in real time, you might know the name Elaine McCusker. She's the top budget person at the Pentagon, and you can read the back-and-forth emails between her and Trump's political lackeys at the Office of Management and Budget (OMB), but the short version is that she was saying HEY, UM, I AM TRYING TO HELP KEEP EVERYBODY FROM COMMITTING CRIME HERE? CAN WE NOT DO CRIME? In response, OMB told her that if the Pentagon wasn't able to spend the money appropriated for Ukraine by the end of the fiscal year — DUE TO TRUMP'S CRIMINAL AID FREEZE — then they were just going to blame the Pentagon.

"You can't be serious. I am speechless." That was an actual quote from Elaine McCusker, one of the many people the Senate didn't want to hear from in Trump's Moscow Mitch sham impeachment trial in the Senate.

Anyway, Trump has decided to fuck her over. She had been nominated to be the comptroller and chief financial officer at the Pentagon, and now she is not nominated for that. (She had been serving in the role in an acting capacity, natch.) The New York Post reported:

The White House is expected to pull the nomination of Elaine McCusker to be the Pentagon's comptroller and chief financial officer in the latest staffing fallout from President Trump's impeachment, The Post has learned.

McCusker resisted the president's directive to stall about $250 million in military aid to Ukraine and her emails protesting the delay were leaked in January to the blog Just Security ahead of Trump's Senate trial.

"This administration needs people who are committed to implementing the president's agenda, specifically on foreign policy, and not trying to thwart it," a White House official told The Post.

In other words, she doesn't want to do crimes for Trump, and that is against Trump's "foreign policy agenda."

Awesome.

Let's Punish Alexander Vindman Some More, Just In Case We Haven't Punished Him Enough Yet!

You know, by unceremoniously firing him, and firing his twin brother, in retaliation for Vindman, the NSC's Ukraine expert, obeying a lawful congressional subpoena and telling the truth about the Trump Ukraine crimes he witnessed.

Trump just casually dropped yesterday that MAYBE the military should punish Vindman for his non-crimes, MAYBE, not that Trump would know anything about that, he stays out of all these things, he swears!

"That's going to be up to the military, we'll have to see, but if you look at what happened, they're going to certainly, I would imagine, take a look at that," Trump said in response to a follow-up question about what he meant when he said, "the military can handle him."

Weird, that's exactly what Trump says about Bill Barr doing his dirty work for him. Whether Trump is really talking to Bill Barr, or mob-whispering to Bill Barr, or saying nothing to Bill Barr because Bill Barr already knows what grievous acts Trump wants him to commit on his behalf, is almost not relevant. Trump is just saying maybe Vindman needs to go through some things, just like he said on his treason call with Ukraine, which Vindman witnessed, that former ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch was going to "go through some things."

Guess we'll have to see whether Defense Secretary Mark Esper was serious when he said he would protect people like Vindman and whistleblowers who tell the truth from retribution, or if, like a common Trump official, he was lying. He already failed to protect Vindman from getting fired.

Pull the fire alarm, that's where we are as a nation right now.

And reread Masha Gessen's "Autocracy: Rules For Survival," published two days after the 2016 election. You need a refresher, and so do we.

[NBC News / New York Post / Politico]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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