* Heard on the Hill: Dems held the first of many gas station press conferences yesterday... Rep. Tim Walberg cracking not-very-funny jokes about why his arm's in a sling... Cap Police ticketing people for jaywalking... Former Charles Bass aide vandalizes the apartment of his ex-gf, chief of staff to Rep. Mark Souder... Keith Ellison and his daughter are profiled in something called Muslim Girl magazine. [Roll Call]

* Reliable Source: Goofy ransom note left for stolen art... Another stupid party for the stupid Queen. [WP]

* Yeas and Nays: Party for Ron Jeremy turns out kinda creepy... Robert Mueller doesn't watch The Sopranos... Mary Cheney's almost due to pop out her devilspawn. [Examiner]

* Under the Dome:Barbara Mikulski illustrated an important point about averages when she made fun of herself for being shorter and poorer than Jay Rockefeller... Candidates really bad at knowing how many people died from various things... John Murtha takes a call from Gen Petraeus, then claims he won't talk to lawmakers... There will be tits at the Cannon Terrace today. But they'll be feeding babies. [The Hill]

* Shenanigans: Various lawmakers played poker to raise money for cancer... Darrell Issa bought a handgun... Reporter puts conference call with anti-war vets' organization on hold, forcing everyone else to hear shitty Muzak. [Politico]