Put Down Your Chram, Rudy's On Cameo!
Fresh off his star turn crankin' his chram (allegedly!) in the Borat movie, Rudy Giuliani has found a new way to expose himself for fun and profit.
"Good news: I want to connect with YOU on Cameo -- Now taking all Cameo requests!" the president's pro bono lawyer tweeted yesterday.
Good news: I want to connect with YOU on Cameo -- Now taking all Cameo requests! https://t.co/c5I1EUiuts https://t.co/55SgNqv7Sj— Rudy W. Giuliani (@Rudy W. Giuliani) 1628578704.0
That is good news! Christmas? Birthday? Retirement? SORTED.
Hi. It's Rudy Giuliani and I'm on Cameo. If there is an issue you want to discuss or a story you'd like to hear or share with me or a greeting that I can bring to someone that would bring happiness to their day, I would be delighted to do it. It can be arranged. We can talk through the magic of Cameo.
So magical! But wait, there's even better news, because Uncle Roods is giving us all a bunch of testers to get us hooked on his mojo.
"Hi, Rich! It's Rudy Giuliani. I'm calling to congratulate you on your retirement after forty years of hard work," he begins in one video.
"I also understand that you and your wife Carla are going to retire to Florida. The sun, and the ocean, and the water, and the waves, and for me golf, maybe for you also golf or other things."
Maybe other things also, too!
"I also understand that you despise cancel culture, and we agree completely," he continued, before launching into a disquisition on his friend Big John who is "so busy" moving conservatives to Florida to escape mean liberals up north.
Another message to "Joe" on the happy occasion of his thirty-eighth birthday took the form of a bizarre pep talk.
"Your friends have given me a couple of things they want me to accomplish with you," he began. "One of them is they want me to convince you not to have as many Wendy's. That's probably a good idea."
It is! Listen to wise Ol' Rudy!
"The other thing is to encourage you to keep up with the" — confused pause — "the beach yoga. Apparently you like doing it 'cause you meet pretty girls. Well, that's a good reason. Particularly for a young man, a very very good reason!"
Please, oh, please let this be real. We want to believe!
"However, an even better reason is, it keeps you in great shape. Maybe it'll compensate for a couple of those Wendy's if you can't give 'em up completely. But if you can't give 'em up completely, that's probably good, too. Have a few, do the beach yoga, meet some pretty girls, that's a pretty good life."
After dispensing that sage advice, our hero pivoted seamlessly to flogging his own podcast.
"If you want to keep up with me, go to Rudy's common sense dot com, hit subscribe — it's free! — and you can listen to my podcast which comes out on Wednesdays and Fridays."
In fact, about a third of each message involves a plug for Rudy's own podcast. But what a bargain at $275! It was an even better bargain yesterday at $199, but Rudy's got a lot of legal bills and alimony to pay. And what with being suspended from the practice of law in New York and DC, his means of generating income are momentarily circumscribed.
Hit him up!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.