Put Vinegar On Bread And Leave It In Your Garage, Here's Why! Tabs, Wed., March 17, 2021

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Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

Now back to our regularly scheduled mass shootings. A young man has shot up three different massage parlors in Atlanta, killing mostly Asian women as well as a white woman and a couple of men. We could wonder if he just hates women, or if he just hates Asian people because the former president was so successful in fingering them for the pandemic that hate crimes against Asian Americans are at about 30 times the usual hate crime rate, or if he just hates massage parlors, or we could just lie down on the floor a while. (Atlanta Journal Constitution)

Let's take a break. Hey, let's call our dads and sing The Unicorn Song with them!

Fox News really is turning its viewers into a death cult. — Amanda Marcotte at Salon

Joe Biden says it's time for Andrew Cuomo to Guomo. — NBC News

West Virginia, which seceded from Virginia to stay in the Union, wants to make sure the Confederacy it fought against stays honored forever. White people, boy, I don't know. (Charleston Gazette-Mail)

Speaking of white people boy I don't know, the Mercers and Peter Thiel have a new Great White Hope for the great state of Ohio, and it's the Hillbilly Elegy fuckhead who somehow tricked a bunch of nice libs into thinking he cared about anything beyond sanitizing the "alt-right." Truthout could be way more bitchier about it, if you ask Wonkette!


Do inmates have a right to see the sun? Jesus Christ. (Courthouse News)

ProPublica's got another head-banger-on-the-floorer, this one about impaired judges as told through this stomach-lurching miscarriage of justice from a woman who worked for justice her whole life until she got extremely early onset Alzheimer's. (ProPublica)

This dude's already suing Hertz for not turning over the car rental receipt that would show he didn't commit that murder until five years had passed; can't wait for the George Floyd Justice in Policing Act to let him sue the cops who allegedly paid another guy $1500 to finger him. — Techdirt

Well maybe this will help! President Joe Biden supports the talking filibuster, and you know he could do it too, God love him. (ABC News)

The Director of National Intelligence has a new report out about 2020 election threats. I have not read it! I guess it's got something to do with Rudy Giuliani and Putin and how Trump's last DNI guy is a baldfaced liar. (DNI)

Sheldon Whitehouse says the Kavanaugh investigation was a sham, wants the FBI to redo it. Seems unlikely! (The story also says Christopher Wray is the former director of the FBI, so they should fix that OR they've got hella sources who know things the rest of us don't.) — Salon

Greg Olear's closing argument in the case of Kavanaugh, Crooked Corrupt Bastard Who Is Crooked and Corrupt. (Greg Olear)

The delegate from Guam took some National Guard troops with him when he went to take cookies to Margarine Taylor Greene, and Kevin McCarthy is NOT HAVING IT. Shut the fuck up Kevin McCarthy. — Politico

Utah hopes if it automatically blocks porn from all new tablets and phones sold in the state, it won't be number one in the country in porn all the time every time. (AP)

You like that First Amendment story? You want some more? Liz has some First Amendment for you, and it is The My Pillow Guy and Alan Dershowitz fell in love and made a misshapen goblin baby, and it is this thing. — Liz at Above the Law

North Dakota lady a dick. — Inforum

British columnist lady a dick. (Guardian)

A bipartisan group of congressionals wants to extend the IRS filing deadline this year because of "so many new tax laws," which seems really fair. — Letter

50 genius living room seating ideas? That is too many genius living room seating ideas, unless all of them are "sex swing." I like 25 and 27 and that's IT. Have you lost me already, Elle Decor?

LOL, "we all gotta die of something, why not make your own steak tartare." (Food and Wine)

Mama's not drinking this month because it was too many from November 4 through, well, end of February, but here is Drunken Sailor, which is YOU.

SOBER UP PUNKS! Or don't, I am not the boss of you yes I am.

Have a better day than these tabs would suggest. We love you!

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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