Put Your Ashes In, Uhm, Obama's Head ... For Hanukkah!
We just received a crucial telegram from theCOMICS CURMUDGEON, subject line: "EMERGENCY WAR ON CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE ADDITION." This is what we live for, as Journalists. A company is selling creepy human-head-statue urns, for the ashes of your loved ones. (Or maybe for you?) You can get the head designed to look like deceased Aunt LuLu, or long-gone Grandpa Jonesy, or even your own head, which is fucking awesome.
Or, if you're an American Slob, you can put the cremated remains of your loved one in the digitally reconstructed 3D head of some famous person. Celebrity! If you can't be a celeb in life, have your ashes rest forever in a consumer item fabricated in the head-face shape of some celebrity.
Says wonderful cremation website Cremation Solutions: "Now we can create a custom cremation urn in the image of your loved one or favorite celebrity or hero, even President Obama!"
And once Health Care Reform is passed this Christmas Eve, every poor white American will be "buried" in one of these, after being killed by the Death Panel. [No No No]