QAnon Idiots Finally Go Too Far, Accuse Kate Bush Of Murder

Right Wing Extremism

Every day, QAnon "patriots" from across the globe post stupid ass shit on their special Voat message board. They accuse various people of being pedophiles, write letters to Trump (whom they apparently believe reads their message board every day and pays close attention to them), are sad about how bad white people have it, and talk about how amazing it is going to be once everyone realizes they have actually been right about everything all along.

But now they have gone too far. In a post I clocked this morning, one "baker" (as they call themselves) claims that beloved music icon (and primary inspiration for my current hair situation) Kate Bush is a MURDERER, and that her 1993 video for "The Red Shoes" is in fact "a symbolic reenactment of her initiation kill."

Kate Bush - The Red Shoes

The user posting the video lays out his evidence.

1:10 - Gets drugged to help cope with it.
1:38 - Hesitates. It's so fucked up, can she really do this?
1:48 - Seduced by power and opportunity, as if under a spell.
1:55 - Hesitates again. Initiator has been patient and encouraging - everyone's first time is difficult.
2:00 - Finds her determination and enthusiastically breaks through the psychological barrier.
2:05-2:20 - He's doing the kill, she's swimming in blood.
2:40 - Symbolic of dancing in blood.
3:00 - Dancing on the graves of the consumed.

Wow, they've really thought this one through!

Other commenters on the site agreed that the video was an obvious murder confession, steaming that "They love to rub our faces in it, don't they?"

Oh, for sure. Kate Bush in 1993 was definitely sitting around thinking "Muahaha! I will make a music video about a murder I did in order to join a Satanic cult, and still never be held accountable for my crimes. Can't wait to see how much this bothers an internet rando in 2018!"

This is hilarious, but if any Q morons out there are reading this post, let me be very clear: You come for Kate Bush and we will fight you. Seriously. Do not fuck with Kate Bush unless you want to deal with the rage of millions of aging hipster women armed to the teeth with knitting needles, scissors for bang trims and whatever we still remember from that one Take Back The Night self-defense class we took in high school.

If you're wondering why on earth this particular video was a target, it is because red shoes are A THING for the QAnon people.

They believe that people wear red shoes in order to surreptitiously brag about the fact that they are way into sacrificing children to Satan and then eating them -- they have to wear red shoes when they do this, because otherwise the blood will stain their shoes and it will be a whole mess! Sometimes, they think, the shoes are literally made from the skin of said children.

I wish I were joking, but I'm not. This is what they believe. The idea mostly gained traction last August when Q "dropped" a thing about Bill Maher wearing them, and now every time they see someone wearing red shoes they're all, "Look at that jerk just going around blatantly advertising that they love killing and eating children!"

As a not-completely-insane-person, you might wonder why on earth people who love killing and eating children would advertise this obviously illegal hobby so very blatantly with the shoe hanky-code. But the conspiracy theorist's take on this is that they just really love symbolism and get a sadistic thrill from rubbing their crimes and occult practices in people's faces all the time. Personally, this sounds positively exhausting to me, but then again, I am still furious about having to read A Separate Peace twice because I changed schools sophomore year. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE STUPID TREE REPRESENTS, THAT BOOK SUCKS.

Still, I can't wait to see what happens when they find out about Hans Christian Anderson, the ballet, The Wizard of Oz or my beautiful husband, Elvis Costello. Or shit, DSW. That place has gotta be a minefield for these people.

Hell, I might even be a part of this whole thing myself, what with these shoes I bought at Marshall's for 20 bucks a few weeks ago. I thought they were pleather but who knows? Could be the skin of some third graders!

I guess we'll never know.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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