QAnon Wacko Birds Explain McCain's Death Using Facts And Logic

QAnon Wacko Birds Explain McCain's Death Using Facts And Logic

The stable geniuses who believe in the QAnon conspiracy theory have some important observations about the death of John McCain. For starters, it wasn't actually caused by cancer, because nobody ever just dies; it's always part of a bigger, more sinister plot. Such conclusions are just what happens to brains that have become accustomed to seeing every mass shooting as a false flag attack run by the government to allow it to take all the guns. Since an old man's death from brain cancer at 81 was obviously not dramatic enough, let's see how these smart researchers -- yes, they call themselves "researchers" -- have patched everything together with Occam's Duct Tape.

If you've somehow remained blessedly unfamiliar with "QAnon," here's a good explainer from Robyn. It's a sort of attempt at a Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory, but the central belief is that instead of being a criminal dipshit, Donald Trump is actually a genius who's secretly working together with Robert Mueller to bust Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and George Soros, plus all the other bad guys, for running a vast child sex trafficking network, among other things. All this information is leaked through cryptic hints posted on the message boards 4chan and 8chan by "Q," a top insider in Washington who may even be Trump himself, but is definitely not John de Lancie.

How does John McCain fit into all that? Obviously on the side of the demons, since he blasphemed against Trump. And since Trump adopted the cute trick of "politely" not referring to McCain by name, a lot of Q believers refer to him as "he who is not named." He's no Voldemort, though -- they could name him, but prefer not to. But definitely an enemy and guilty of very bad things -- mostly being part of the Deep State and opposing Trump while voting for the tax cut and war stuff.

McCain never had cancer, either. Instead, all that "cancer" talk was simply McCain laying the groundwork for his eventual suicide, so he wouldn't be taken off to Guantanamo, subjected to a military tribunal, and executed for his crimes (no, they don't explain why anyone would bother with such elaborate fakery when he could also just shoot himself then have a doctor say he "fell and hit his head"). Q even hinted McCain had committed suicide, so there's the proof you need.

Or maybe McCain had already been convicted in a secret tribunal, just like Hillary and Barack, and was wearing an ankle monitor while awaiting his execution. But in his last public appearances, he covered it up with a medical boot on his leg. No, don't ask why Obama and Clinton don't go to similar lengths to hide their ankle monitors. There is a very evil reason, probably.

But wait! McCain died on the same date as Ted Kennedy did, and from the same "disease"! One thing Q followers know for sure -- a dead certainty, in fact -- is that there are no coincidences. Because what kind of crazy, jumbled up world would THAT be? Just look how deep the rabbit hole to the red pill's looking glass goes!

We already know there aren't any coincidences. So the Twitter detectives, armed with their unshakeable belief that the true nature of reality can be worked out with numerology, Manichaestic dualism, and dumb shit on the internet, went to work explaining how this could be:

  • The Biblical number 9 is the number of judgement. Interesting. -- "Julia"
  • They were injected with cancer. In politics and in the entertainment world, when anyone knows too much 'truth', or if they're simply no longer the cash cow they were, These hogs of authority inject deadly cancers of all sorts, or certain chemicals to drive them completely insane. -- "Rachael"
  • 8/25 = 33. They love the number 33 -- "Bob" (to which "Sigh Post" replied, "Age of Christ when he died."SEE???!!!! Satanist blasphemy!)
  • What type of cancer was that? In the pineal gland??? -- "Harold"[A reference to the weird belief that the Clinton/Soros sex cult murders children to extract adrenochrome and get high on it, so thanks a lot, Hunter S. Thompson.]
  • Absolutely no coincidence. They're stupid and so are the liberals making dumb comments here. These people just don't realize how serious this is. One would think with everything that's happened so far they'd start sitting up and paying attention but the snide remarks keep on. -- "Dee"

And we didn't even include the guy who ranted on about Masons secretly running the world, because that was nuts. We should also note that when someone replied "Hilarious" to the injected-with-cancer explanation, a defender jumped in with "Why? Can you prove that's not happening? After what I've seen with my own eyes anything is possible," and "Rachael" herself explained the world is a very, very dark place:

Most Americans just don't want to see or know the truth. It's ugly and not pretty or fun and I know, because I was raised in the world of 'pretty and fun' and Sid and Marty Croft and sunshine; but as you grow up you've got to understand how things work.

And how things work is that people get injected with brain cancer so they'll die on the same day, nine years apart, except not Beau Biden, maybe to throw the sheeple off and not see the pattern! Why the cult would have a pattern, it's best you not know.

Honestly, this rampant dipshittery shouldn't be too surprising. Just look at the legitimate nonsense their Dear Leader posted on the electric Twitter box at four freaking AM today:

Somebody apparently handed him a printout of a story by PJ Media, because he does not use the interwebs himself.

These are indeed the days of signs and wonders, children.

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[Daily Beast / Politico]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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