QAnon People Find Irrefutable Proof JFK Jr. Is Alive, And Boy Is He ... Still Very Much Dead

QAnon People Find Irrefutable Proof JFK Jr. Is Alive, And Boy Is He ... Still Very Much Dead

In the mythology of the internet conspiracy QAnon — which follows Donald Trump's imaginary quest to root out child sex slave rings run by the Deep State and the Illuminati and also Colonel Sanders, probably —John F. Kennedy Jr. is a central figure. According to some, he faked his own death when Hillary Clinton put a hit out on him in order to win the New York Senate seat he was going to run for before he and his wife and his sister-in-law "died" in a plane crash, and has been living in secret in Pittsburgh under the name Vincent Fusca. He spent a whole bunch of money on surgery to disguise himself and now looks like this:

They also think that he may even be Q, the mystery leader of QAnon. Which would be tough, on account of how he is dead and definitely not that hideous man in the picture above.

Last July, the big rumor in conspiracy circles was that Trump was going to use his big July 4th rally to announce that his running mate in 2020 would be —SURPRISE! — John F. Kennedy Jr. So in order to give him a proper welcome and to let him know it was safe to re-emerge, the qultists were gonna go to rallies and walk around town wearing JFK Jr. masks, as he would have wanted.

That did not occur. Trump's running mate is still Mike Pence, and the decomposed body of JFK Jr. has not emerged from his grave to assume the Vice Presidency of the United States. But now here we are, almost exactly a year later, and all of a sudden there's a ton of hubbub again about JFK Jr., except this time all of the QAnon people are refusing to wear masks. Like this extremely well-adjusted guy, who left a Costco after being asked to leave because he wasn't wearing a mask, and then started screaming that JFK was coming back (on 7/16?) and was also Joe "Joe M" Masepoes, the guy behind the very batshit YouTube video "QAnon: The Plan To Save The World."

Oddly enough, outside of a missive suggesting that Hillary Clinton had JFK Jr. killed and saying in another one that JFK Jr. was not alive, Q has not really mentioned this. (But JFK Jr. would say that, wouldn't he?) It is something that the followers have come up with entirely on their own — including the theory that the reason Q answered the "Is JFK Jr. alive?" question as "no" is because he wasn't a Jr. anymore, on account of how his father died. This would, of course, negate the 30-odd years of his life after his father died in which he was called JFK Jr., as well as the entire history of how boys are named after their fathers and how we denote that.

This week, however, some enterprising QAnoners finally found some "proof" of their beliefs. During an Instagram live interview about his anti-vaxx bullshit, a bunch of them popped in to repeatedly ask Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (who is still RFK Jr. even though his dad isn't alive either) to touch his nose if his cousin John F. Kennedy Jr. was still alive. And then, eventually, he touched his nose.

JillMHaze on

Well if that isn't proof of life. Or of him thinking he's playing along with a joke. Or of ... an itchy nose. They're very excited about it though, and the video has now been shared across social media thousands of times.

Many of them are now absolutely sure that he will soon reveal himself, even though that fedora guy has long been encouraging the idea that he is secret JFK and also Q, by publishing his own Q-esque missives on Twitter. It's all very confusing.

The really awkward thing here, aside from the fact that JFK Jr. is very much dead, is that there is a very small window of time now for him to "reveal" himself before the election, and what the hell is Zombie John John gonna do if Trump loses?


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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