Donate

Quitter Obama Moves Speech Inside, As If A Lil' Lightning Ever Hurt Anybody

News

Hooray, thank God for sending some lightning Charlotte's way and finally convincing these Obama campaign folks to move the acceptance speech inside. This stadium business is so 2008, so blahhhh. Just give your happy rah-rah chat in the damn arena, like every other schmuck. In any event, what is Obama hiding and lying about now? According to the AP, a secret insider source who's known as a "top Charlotte meteorologist" -- the weather guy on the local teevee news -- "says there is virtually no threat of severe weather Thursday night as Democratic officials move President Barack Obama’s convention speech indoors." And even if there was a *little* lightning, who cares; it would only kill one, maybe two, two or three people -- probably total losers. Something else must be up! Let's ask the Internet/make stuff up!


Some working explanations:

  • The Obama campaign really just doesn't want lightning killing people during his convention speech. Again, this is clearly... this is bullshit... it's bullshit!
  • The Obama campaign was worried about filling the 70k+ football stadium, since everyone in the world hates American politics and both American political parties and simply wish it would all go away, forever.
  • Remember when we picked Bank of America Stadium for the convention speech? Nobody even gets the joke!
  • WaPo: "Democrats were also worried about the possibility of anti-Obama hecklers acquiring some of the free tickets to the event and disrupting the president’s speech." Uhhh... a few heckles don't get very far in a 74,000-person stadium. Besides, don't the crowds always drown them out with "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" chants pretty quickly? (This is a Democratic convention so the chants would be more like "BOO-S-A! GAY GAY GAY! ABORT BAY-BAYS!", but same idea.)
  • The whole point of this stadium thing is just to get 75,000 or so people in a swing state on the campaign mailing list, and so they did.

Perhaps it's a bit of each!

[NYT]

$
Donate with CC

Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug ... He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.

Yr Wonkette is no stranger to the double-edged weapon of sarcasm, we'll admit. OR WILL WE? It's part of our postmodern toolkit, with which we seek to undermine patriotism, faith, the free market, the family, and ultimately America itself. Duh. But we would never be so naive as to think we have a monopoly on irony and sarcasm, oh no, far from it. This week, we dip into the sludge of deletia for some brilliant examples of cutting rightwing wit turned back on us, with devastating results. Hope you're not all TRIGGERED so much you have to go find a SAFE SPACE, libs!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc