R. Kelly Is A Bad Man Who Was Good At Singing... Now He's In Jail.

sex crimes

If it can be said that "all good things must come to an end", then surely, so too can it be said that, "all bad things will eventually go fuck themselves." Or something. Things end all the time; there are deaths, cancellations, even shunnings; there are breakups, separations, divorces, and often people simply just choose to leave. But sometimes that choice is taken from people, sometimes that choice isn't even offered, because sometimes the Chicago Police Department arrests your ass on multiple sexual assault charges because Avenatti's busy ass got ahold of the sex tape you made with an underage girl victim. Because these days, the things you do on the "Down Low" get put on Front Street, then all of a sudden... life comes at you fast.

If you recall, Kelly recently threatened to sue Lifetime for producing the documentary Surviving R. Kelly, and unfortunately for him, his reaction to the film is likely what spurred the investigation into his sex cult, and led to his subsequent arrest. The self-ownage in this caper delivers a sweetly intoxicating and purely delightful schadenfreude, I must warn you now... When you watch the video of him being arrested, if you look at his face, you'll be absolutely fucking giddy from the sad clown look on his mug.

Did you see how sad he looked? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Bless his fucking heart and shit, pobrecito, Big Daddy ain't in charge now.

From CNN:

Singer R. Kelly was placed in handcuffs as he entered a Chicago police station Friday night, hours after he was indicted on 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse -- a class 2 felony -- involving four alleged victims.
His attorney, Steve Greenberg, said Cook County State's Attorney Kim Foxx succumbed to public pressure and that his client is an innocent man.

"I think all the women are lying," Greenberg said.

Kelly didn't speak to the media.

Oh, this is enjoyable. Did R. Kelly simply take over payments on Bill Cosby's attorney, because this is the same lame shit that guy was spewing in the months before he lost and Cosby ended up in a prison cell.

Kelly is scheduled to appear in court Saturday for a bail hearing, Foxx said Friday while announcing the charges. Arraignment is set for March 8.
The charges handed up in an indictment from a grand jury span from 1998 to 2010, Foxx said.
If convicted, Kelly faces three to seven years in prison for each count.

R. Kelly had already finally gone and fucked himself into an insane amount of drama; things were finally getting bad enough that his sexual horrorshow was coming to an end....and my goodness, what a perfect end!

The indictment accuses Kelly of sexual acts with three children older than 13 but younger than 17. There is no age range listed for one of the alleged victims. The charges say Kelly used force or the threat of force.
Homeland Security Investigations is involved in an investigation of Kelly, an US Immigration and Customs Enforcement official said. The official did not provide any details. The news was first reported by The New Yorker.

Apparently various Law Enforcement agencies are now investigating all complaints against him, taking them seriously, and coming at him with every damn thing they've got. No stone unturned this time, Kelly. You might want to get used to thick ass bologna and past dated milk, because prison is HOME now. You're home.

From The New Yorker;

The D.H.S. investigation is looking, in part, at charges that Kelly transported girls across state lines "for immoral purposes," in violation of the White-Slave Traffic Act, from 1910, which is more commonly known as the Mann Act. (There's an echo of pop-music history here: the rock-and-roll pioneer Chuck Berry was convicted under the same law, in 1960, and spent a year and a half in federal prison.)

I'm not a legal analyst, we leave such things to 5 Dollar Feminist because she actually knows wtf she's talking about. Yet, I am concerned with the message using the Mann Act sends, but... We will see how this goes.

A grand jury was convened in Cook County, Illinois, earlier this month in connection with new allegations against Kelly, two sources close to the case told CNN.
That came on the heels of attorney Michael Avenatti announcing he had handed over to the State's Attorney's Office a videotape that he said showed Kelly having sex with an underage girl.
"This tape leaves no question as to whether R. Kelly is guilty of multiple sexual, illegal acts against a 14-year-old girl," he told reporters Friday. He said Foxx's investigation was "very thorough ... dedicated and methodical."

Bad and predatory men abound in American society, the stain of misogyny permeates our culture; it is a culture that remains steadfastly attached to the centering of the struggles of men, and engages in unending dismissals of the concerns of women. For years the concerns of the parents and families of the young women living in Chicago who ended up attached to Kelly were ignored, and for years his victims cried out for justice. For so long Kelly seemed untouchable...

There was a time when R Kelly believed he could fly, a time when his music topped the charts, and his not at all cleverly worded, hebephilia laced serenades played on every "urban" station across the nation. The fans loved his music, and the simple lyrics moved them in a way they perhaps never would done if those very same songs were sung by a different artist. This is not because Kelly is a musical genius, the most talented, or even the Bagger Vance of R&B.; No, it was because R. Kelly didn't just dance and sing songs; his singing was an emotional experience, and R. Kelly made love to his music with moans, and sighs, and even a little honey drizzled on top. Indeed, he made sweet love to his ballads like they were a 15 year old schoolgirl. And that's the problem. Grown men should not make love to 15 year old schoolgirls, but R. Kelly did, he believed he was special; for years his local High School became the Haram from which he chose his rape victims.

R. Kelly made it to the upper echelons of black culture, he was elevated and feted as one of our music royalty.

Yet that doesn't mean he was ever a GOOD man. R Kelly is a BAD man, he's just good at singing.

[CNN/New Yorker]

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FollowWonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @bravewriting or email her at

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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