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RACE SHOCKER: McCain Accuses Obama of Shamefully Being Colored

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There is SHOCKING news from the campaign trail today as the John McCain Presidency has angrily lashed out at Barack Obama for being black. "My opponent is half-colored," McCain said today from one of his mansions, "And worse, he claims the coloreds have not been president before. This is shameful, shame on this uppity colored and his race-baiting. Go back to Africa, Osama Spears." UPDATE: You're all pussies. We've replaced the picture (which showed a lynching, which was a legal activity in the American South when John McCain was a young man) with a small mirror. [ALL POLITICAL SITES ON EARTH]

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Guess who's going on a field trip to Mother Russia next week? Which patriotic Americans will be celebrating Independence Day in Moscow with the traditional blinis and summer borscht? Whose PR team is about to have a really, really bad day?

Nice try, but it's not President Trump -- he's got his annual Moscow performance review later in July. (And anyway, his PR team is permanently located in the ninth circle of hell.) No, it's Senators John Kennedy (R-LA), Richard Shelby (R-AL), and John Hoeven (R-ND), who will be showing their love of the United States by decamping to Russia in the midst of an undeclared cyberwar. We shit you not!

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