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Leader of the coup?


This week, Fox News has trumpeted EXCLUSIVE INFO it's gotten from SECRET FBI SOURCES that said definitely, for real, five whole foreign intelligence agencies hacked into Hillary Clinton's private server, and for real, definitely, Hillary is about to be indicted, for "emails" and "Clinton Foundation," and sure thing, you bet! The breathless announcement of Hillary's impending indictment came from Fox's Bret Baier, who said the "investigation" into the Clinton Foundation is so much bigger than anybody knew, and you just wait! SQUEEEEEE!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608221/james-comey-strikes-again-and-again-and-again-and-again"></a>[/wonkbar]Of course, we've also been telling you there appears to be a group of rogue, Hillary-hatin' FBI agents, both in the New York office and elsewhere, who have been rootin' tootin' mad because their mean FBI and Justice Department bosses won't sanction their investigation into the Clinton Foundation, since it's based on debunked, Breitbart-funded bullshit from that dumb Clinton Cash book. And all of this stuff has been leaking like crazy, less than a week before the election, because all the cool kids are violating the Hatch Act these days. (And they need to GO TO JAIL.)

Well, a funny thing happened! Normal networks like NBC, ABC and CNN all talked to their sources, who, without exception, said Bret Baier's thing was horseshit. Hillary Clinton's press secretary Brian Fallon even tweeted calling on the FBI to put out a statement clarifying that Bret Baier's thing was horseshit. Even Bret Baier, in his very Fox News way, "clarified" on Thursday that even though he was totally for sure that his sources were good and Hillz is guilty, guilty, guilty, he had spoken "inartfully" when he said they were about to haul her off to Guantanamo or whatever.

But who ARE these sources? It's obviously coming from the He-Man Hillary Haters club in the New York FBI office, but who is whispering sweet nothings into Fox idiots' ears? Josh Marshall points out that in Baier's original report, he specifically said he got his intel from "two separate sources with intimate knowledge of what's going with these FBI investigations," and Marshall notes that the language Baier used means his sources are NOT ACTUALLY IN THE FBI. Who could they be? HMMMM!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608161/dear-fbi-are-you-fcking-kidding"></a>[/wonkbar]The Daily Beast points us toward two men who are on Fox all the fucking time, who hate Hillary, and who have FBI ties: Rudy Giuliani and James Kallstrom. Giuliani, of course, is the former mayor of 9/11 and a top adviser to Donald Trump, and Kallstrom, also a rabid Trump supporter, used to run the FBI's New York office. Remember how Kallstrom said FBI Director James Comey was releasing all this because the "locals would have stepped in on this" and started leaking it? By "locals," he meant the New York office, the one that's gone rogue.

Tell us an interesting thing, Daily Beast:

Two days before FBI director James Comey rocked the world last week, Rudy Giuliani was on Fox, where he volunteered, un-prodded by any question: “I think he’s [Donald Trump] got a surprise or two that you’re going to hear about in the next few days. I mean, I’m talking about some pretty big surprises.”

Pressed for specifics, he said: “We’ve got a couple of things up our sleeve that should turn this thing around.”

Huh! Were all these leaks up Giuliani's sleeve, near his gross armpit? MAYBE! The Beast notes Giuliani's extensive FBI ties, and quotes another thing Giuliani said on the radio, the day Comey sent his vague love note to Congress about new Hillary emails:

“The other rumor that I get is that there’s a kind of revolution going on inside the FBI about the original conclusion [not to charge Clinton] being completely unjustified and almost a slap in the face to the FBI’s integrity,” said Giuliani. “I know that from former agents. I know that even from a few active agents.”

Rumors of a revolution! Rudy Giuliani's pals and buds are going to REVOLT, even though they are not actually the ones who make the decisions on investigations the FBI and Justice Department undertake. And that makes them MAD! Did their bosses not read Clinton Cash? Does Loretta Lynch even have a commenting account on Breitbart? So maybe they are just chit-chatting with their bro Giuliani about how GRRR HILLARY they are, and then Giuliani spits that knowledge into Fox anchors' mouths like a Mama Bird, and now the information is out there where it can hurt Hillary's electoral chances! Yay! Fuck if it's true or not, that can't possibly matter.

Then there is that Kallstrom guy, who is so close to Giuliani they probably are in a mah jongg group together. The Beast notes that when Director Comey made his original decision this summer not to recommend charges or even the death penalty for Hillary's emails, Giuliani said the decision "perplexes" him, and "perplexes Jim Kallstrom" and it even was perplexing and even EMBARRASSING for their FBI contacts.

Also too, this shit:

By Sept. 28, Kallstrom said he’d been contacted by hundreds of people, including “a lot of retired agents and a few on the job,” declaring the agents “involved in this thing feel like they’ve been stabbed in the back.” So, he said, “I think we’re going to see a lot more of the facts come out in the course of the next few months. That’s my prediction.”

Ooh, he's like Nostradamus, makin' prophecies that come true!

The Beast shares something else real funky, related to that time during the Republican primary when Donald Trump had a shit-fit over mean Megyn Kelly being allowed to moderate another debate. Trump boycotted that debate and instead did an event for a "veteran's charity" called the Marine Corps Law Enforcement Foundation. Trump gave them over a million ameros! Three guesses who runs that foundation, TIME'S UP IT IS JIM KALLSTROM!

So, are these two Trump fangirls the ones whispering the sexxxy secrets to Fox? Maybe so!

Friday, on Fox's morning teevee show "Steve Doocy's Pajama Party," Giuliani said he "had no role" in these leaks, and added:

Did I hear about it? You're darn right I heard about it, and I can't even repeat the language that I heard from the former FBI agents.

Just guessing, but we bet they say the C-word about Hillary Clinton a lot, because they're so patriotic.

Kallstrom issued similarly toothless denials to The Daily Beast, and asked them if they were doing a "hit piece" on him.

So! We guess that settles that and Rudy Giuliani and Jim Kallstrom are innocent, angelic souls who would never act out of order on such issues and are definitely not the conduits for bullshit leaks about fake Hillary FBI "investigations." (OR ARE THEY?)

Regardless, all this fake news about Hillary Clinton is out there, and Donald Trump has told his paste-eating acolytes that Hillary's going to be indicted REAL SOON, and this could indeed actually sway the election!

In case you're wondering, the Trump campaign is pretty darn happy about all this. Trump "campaign manager" Kellyanne Conway shared her feelings Thursday night with Brian Williams on MSNBC:

“This has been walked back, the indictment portion, by Fox News who originally reported it and by NBC News which has done subsequent reporting on this,” Williams said. “Will Donald Trump amend his stump speech to walk back the same thing?”

“Well, the damage is done to Hillary Clinton,” Conway replied. “No matter how it's being termed the voters are hearing it for what it is—a culture of corruption.”

Haha, attempted coups are HILARIOUS.

[CNN / The Daily Beast / Talking Points Memo h/t Crooks & Liars]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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