Radio Wingnut Says The Beatles Are Satan
Our favorite Minor League radio preacher, Colorado'sKevin Swanson, took a break from hating on gays and abortion for a few minutes to blame the Beatles for bringing demonic rock and/or roll to our shores 50 years ago, an event that set us on the road to this year's Grammy Awards show, which he described as a “satanic pagan orgy” and a "celebration of fornication, twerking, stripping and satanic rituals." You sort of have to wonder how much the organizers of the Grammys are paying him.
Swanson has some serious problems with the Grammys telecast, which he really seemed to enjoy describing. Grasping his microphone firmly with manly vigor, he described the awards show as
a celebration of fornication, twerking, stripping (and) satanic rituals topped off with about 34 [inaudible -- neurotic? erotic?] weddings conducted by a lesbian with music provided by Madonna, so yeah, the homosexuals getting married and the tradition of the Caesar Nero, was basically a pagan, satanic orgy.”
Now we're feeling kind of bad that we were just watching Doctor Who on Netflix.
Swanson went on to explain that Katy Perry was either the cause or a symptom of the general destruction of moral principles in U.S. America, since she had once released a Christian-themed album, but then started slutting things up, dancing around with computer-animated candy and actual negroes, and decimating an army of gummi bears with mammary-mounted whipped-cream cans:
“Katy Perry and all her friends, apostates from faith, they move gradually out of the Christian faith and into a secular, demonic approach to things and they move out of the Christian – this is how you get from a 55 percent church attendance ratio for the Silent Generation to 18 percent for the Millennial Generation down to 4 percent in the year 2025,” Swanson said.
And it never would have happened without those mop-headed apostates the Beatles, because as we all know, there was no rock music before them. Recapitulating a history lesson by Doktor Zoom's Mother from shortly after John Lennon's 1980 murder, Swanson noted that Lennon and Paul McCartney met at an Anglican church, after all, but instead of playing nice Christian music, they used their God-given talent to play the Devil's rock 'n' roll, leading to widespread cultural destruction and drugs:
“It takes apostates to destroy a culture and to undermine a civilization,” Swanson said. “That’s how you get from ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand” to ‘Let’s Do It In The Road [sic] by 1968.”
“And by the way, the 2014 Grammys celebrated The Beatles, yet again, and I think that’s important because The Beatles opened things up for us, that’s how we got to the drug culture of 1969 and 1970."
We'd like to think that in addition to having serious issues with understanding causality, Swanson was also terribly disappointed to learn that the White Album was not a celebration of Anglo-Saxon ethnic heritage.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.