Reddit Enthusiastically Fingerbangs Donald Trump, In His Bottom
"Which one is the "delete" key?"
Donald Trump has had a rough time these past few days! The Democrats are beating him up night after night in Philly, and the press corps is scrutinizing his every word. Why, it's just enough to make a man's hair fall out (more)! Seeing as how Donald Trump is not one for professional therapy, he decided to take to the only free of charge and politically incorrect safe space that would rub his tender ego back to its unnatural orange glow, a highly exclusive Internet message board, a veritable Town Hall of the Interwebs (no relation to TownHall.com)
Trump specifically took to Reddit -- the social media giant that is part news aggregator, part message board, and part daycare for libertarian geeks -- in order to do an AMA (Ask Me Anything). AMAs are like question and answer sessions, a hodgepodge of tell-all stories and mindless shitshow comments. In the past, AMAs have been done by all sorts of people, from our own Bary Bamz and Bill Gates, to reality teevee people and fast food workers.
An AMA is generally conducted in a topical subsection called a sub-Reddit calle "AMA." Naturally, Trump conducted his AMA in the Trump-specific sub-reddit, /r/The_Donald, because not only does it have his name on it, but it's populated by the same egotistical racists and misogynists that would be ridiculed and banned anywhere else for regurgitating hate speech.
Nestled in the confines of his race and gender specific safe space, Trump spent about 45 minutes using his baby fingers to slowly type out about a dozen one and two sentence replies to some real tough, hard hitting questions.
The heavy-handed moderators of /r/The_Donald, ever aware of how delicate their self-proclaimed "God Emperor" can be if he feels he is treated poorly, deleted any comments that might stress test Donald's poor, fragile fee-fees. This is nothing out of the ordinary, though, as moderators tend to delete and ban anyone critical of Trump's policies, let alone to question them.
There were even some LIBERAL media types present asking BIASED questions. Why does the media hate Donald Trump? Why can't they just accept that he's going to make America not bad anymore? Are they A Idiot?
In return for gracing them with his presence, Trump's Reddit fans (who identify themselves as, "centipedes", I shit you not) gave him over $500 in useless Reddit Gold. Reddit Gold is pseudo-subscription mechanism that serves as a funding source for the website. Users buy Reddit Gold with real money, then give one another Reddit Gold when they really, really, like something another user says. Another way to think about it is they rewarded their demi-god with special magic Internet store credit -- that doesn't really buy anything.
Perhaps the only revealing thing was the possibility that Trump may have actually used a computer. It's been theorized for some time now that, despite dictating tweets to some lowly staffer, secretary or slave, Trump doesn't touch computers himself. While we can only speculate that his (rumored) fear of technology is due to his inability to fire it, the photo of Trump using a computer isn't exactly conclusive, as it's not hard to just stick a computer in front of a giant cheese puff and take a photo.