Relax, You Guys, Trump Just Put Rudy In Charge Of The Election Suits

Look out, guys, Roodles and Michael Flynn's jackass lawyer Sidney Powell are about to blow this whole election fraud thing wide open! They'll be announcing their legal strategy just as soon they find a landscaper located next to a slaughterhouse and across from a brothel to host a presser. Probably.

If they're being deployed to go on TV and shout inanities about Dominion voting machines, this is a solid plan. But since none of these people is an experienced election lawyer, it's probably not a great legal strategy. And since Trump is getting his ass handed to him in every courtroom, he'll need something more than conspiracy theories about elections officials taking bribes to change votes.

Whatcha got, Sidney Powell?

Ummm, okay. You'd think if Democrats "used an algorithm to calculate the votes they would need to flip and they used computers to flip those votes from Trump to Biden and from other Republican candidates to their competitors also" they'd have been smart enough to put Ossoff over the top in Georgia's senate race and stanch the bleeding down ballot. But shine on, you (apparently literally) crazy diamond.

The New York Times was first to report that Trump was putting his pro bono lawyer in charge of the election litigation, much to the horror of his minions, who are working to ease Trump into the reality of his loss to Joe Biden. Maggie Haberman reports that "In an Oval Office meeting with aides on Thursday, Mr. Trump put Mr. Giuliani on speakerphone so the others could hear him. He angrily accused the aides of not telling the president the truth."

Politico followed up with a story about Wrecking Ball Rudy blowing up the legal strategy the way he blew up the Joe Biden Ukraine smear. And the Hunter Biden laptop story. And the Stormy Daniels payoff.

So weird that campaign officials "worry that Giuliani's Hail Mary ploys will damage Trump's reputation and potentially harm his future political aspirations," huh?

Turns out Giuliani's Total Landscaping stunt scared off the team of lawyers the campaign had been assembling since June for whatever Bush v. Gore-type shenanigans might have legitimately gotten them up to the Supreme Court. The reputable firms they had lined up in Arizona and Pennsylvania already noped out, and even Jones Day says it's not going to file any more cases for the campaign.

Trump's rational staffers — graded on the Sidney/Rudy/Hairballs scale — have explained to Trump that he needs to allege specific violations of law in each state if he wants to win in court, not just spout unverified nonsense and call it unconstitutional. But that's not how Rudy rolls, and it sure as hell isn't how President Couch Potato conducts himself.

Meanwhile, the farm team lawyers filing local cases are getting laughed out of court. Kory Langhoffer, the attorney who used CAPTCHA to vet accounts of voting irregularities in Arizona, dropped his Sharpiegate case on Friday when it became clear that WHAT IS STREET SIGN wasn't going to kick up enough evidence of discarded ballots to change the election outcome. And in Michigan, where Biden's lead tops 150,000 votes, counselor Mark "Thor" Hearne has failed to persuade a judge that Detroit's votes should be tossed because a Democratic poll watcher told her Republican counterpart to "go back to the suburbs, Karen."

Perhaps mindful of this, the president is now disclaiming those efforts, promising the REAL cases "will soon be filed!"

In two weeks, probably. Along with Trump's superduper health plan to replace Obamacare.

According to Politico, Giuiliani has already greenlighted suits without the Trump campaign's permission. And now he's out there signaling to anyone who isn't deep in MAGAland culture that the election suits are just as baseless as the Hunter Biden laptop claims. Which is incredibly damaging to America's civic confidence in the long term, as no-hopers are convinced against all evidence that this election was stolen. But in the short term, if Rudy wants to rip away the last shred of credibility from the campaign's legal efforts to get this case into the Supreme Court, we're not mad about it.

[NYT / Politico]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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