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Remember Those Black Teens Trump Wanted Executed? Netflix Remembers!

Post-Racial America

The glorious queen of black movie making enterprise, Ava  Duvernay, is once again creating visual delights that center African American audiences with her new Netflix mini-series, Central Park Five.


Remember the Central Park Five case? Probably not since it happened long before the internet was used by normal people who need Google to find a website, but Netflix will remind you all about how fucked up our criminal justice system is. The case centers around a false conviction of five black youths who police coerced into "confessions" about the rape of a jogger in 1989. In 2002 they were released because, guess what, they never raped anybody, just like they said. The police maybe lied and stuff and DNA exonerated them for sure. And Donald Trump was like, um so what, execute them anyway, guilty as charged. Just Trump being Trump and helping us MAGA.

A casting call went out, and we are stunned to see that they are looking EVERYWHERE for young black men to give good jobs to, which, we must admit is quite a change from the usual profiling of young black men in America. You know the kind I mean. It usually involves a cell phone and a cop saying “I feared for my life!’, or possibly even a lost teen and an angry guy with a shotgun, so this is nice and hopefully non-dangerous. So, if there are any young brothas out there looking for an entrance into the vaunted halls of Hollywood, here is your shot, get your details over to Centralfivecasting@gmail.com.

One thing you might be wondering is... who the fuck could possibly play Trump if he were lucky enough to be somehow included in this production that clearly does not need him one damn bit? We have no idea, but we found a list of ugly actors to help generate some ideas on who could ugly up his mug enough to play the Orange Orsehole himself.

Is Michael Chicklis still around? He can play rude and bossy, even if he doesn’t quite have the ugly creds to pull off a Trump-face. Also, there are always makeup and special effects to help with the hue. Jeff Bridges is too cool for the role, Alec Baldwin is too funny, Zach Galifianakis probably will say no, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is no longer with us. Is there no-one ugly and horrible enough?!? Maybe it is best to leave him out, though, he might enjoy the attention too much. He loves attention.

Before you start thinking this is not a big deal, we'll have you know that Ava Duvernay is the first woman of color to produce an Oscar nominated film. Which film might that be? A little production by the name of Selma. And she did it again with 13th. Hell, she might even do it again with her new $100 million budget film Wrinkle in Time. I'm just saying that the woman is hot like fire and you better try to get in where you fit in. Send her your headshots! And give us a shout out from the Red Carpet!!! (Unless you play Donald. In that case we don't know you, probably.)

[Twitter/Cheatsheet]

Wonderbitch

Wonderbitch is an extremely literate and angry black woman who likes to write things about many things. You can find her dishing out hot takes on Twitter @bravenakblog, or pretending to finish up her History Degree in her spare time.

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Once upon a time, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers at least claimed to focus their efforts entirely on immigrants involved in criminal activity. Those days are long gone, and now they're going after anyone, including law-abiding people who are just trying to drive their pregnant wives to the hospital to give birth.

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I'd mentioned this week that there's definitely probably a tape out there of Donald Trump referring to a black person as a "nigger," because Trump is a racist and that's sort of what they do. Sarah Huckabee Sanders won't even affirmatively deny such a tape exists, and she's from the "two plus two equals five" school of communications management. I also speculated that once the tape was released, Republican supporters of the president would flock to defend his vile words: "Hey, if you rearrange the letters in "nigger," you get "ginger" and who doesn't like redheads and the occasional Dark 'n' Stormy?"

The shameful display has already started and the supposed recording isn't even available for pre-order on iTunes. Georgia State Senator Michael Williams stated in appearance on CNN's "New Day Saturday" that if Trump -- who's the president, by the way -- did say "nigger," it would certainly concern him as an "individual" but "not necessarily as a person that is running our country." So, uh, what the hell is that? This has been a standard argument from Republicans ever since Trump crawled his way out of the sewers of birtherism and onto a major political stage: "We think Trump is a terrible human being -- seriously, we have to shower immediately after meeting with him -- but we still think he's a suitable steward of the most powerful nation on the planet."

Normally, you'd think this would work the other way. You know, your brother-in-law is a nice enough guy. Your sister certainly could've done worse. You don't mind the slightly rambling sports-ball discussions with him at family gatherings. He's good for looking after the kids (as long as your sister is present or reachable by cell), but you'd never invest your hard-earned money into whatever half-assed business venture he's trying to get off the ground nor would you back his run for any serious political office.

I've long had issues with the "brilliant asshole" archetype in TV and movies. It's almost always a white male (because women and minorities must be perfect) whose emotional immaturity and overall jerkass behavior we're told to overlook because they're so goshdarned awesome. Do you want some PC "cuck" or do you want Dr. House to figure out that the MS symptoms you're suffering are really just because you ate a stale doughnut? Sherlock Holmes doesn't have time for your feelings or social niceties -- not while he's solving mysteries and being dreamy.

Trump, however, isn't "brilliant." He's just a guy who says "nigger." They're hardly a scarcity in the market. You don't even have to venture out to a klan rally to find one. You can order online -- same day social media delivery.

Williams argues that Trump didn't use the word "nigger" when he was in the "office of the president." It was just some youthful indiscretion when he was almost 60. I don't even know where he's going with this. Does he think Trump has changed? He routinely insults and belittles black people. He also calls black NFL players who peacefully protest "sons of bitches." Was that his way of weaning off calling us "niggers"? Has he been wearing a "nigger" patch on his arm to control his cravings for the racial epithet?

"He used the word in his personal life," Williams said. (It was actually in a workplace context -- SER) "Now if he were president and were to go on TV and use the n-word, I'd have a major problem with that."

media.giphy.com

It's heartening repulsive to see that Williams draws the line at Trump holding an official "nigger" press conference. I think once we reach that point, Trump will probably also reveal that his buddies on the Supreme Court discovered a typo in the Thirteenth Amendment and black folks' work-life balance will start to really suffer.

"I will always say using the n-word is wrong, and it's bad, and should never be accepted in our society. But just because (Trump) might have done it years ago, not as our president, doesn't mean we need to continue to berate him because he used it," GOP state Sen. Michael Williams, who is white, told CNN's Victor Blackwell on "New Day Saturday."

Blackwell, who is black, had to sit there and listen to this crap from a white elected official who is just 45 years old. You know, the word "nigger" doesn't even appear in the Dred Scott decision, for example, but that's not necessary for reasonable people to understand that it was racist as hell. We all know Trump is racist, but now Republicans can't even repudiate the worst demonstrations of his racial animus. The first black president hasn't even been out of office for two full years and already "nigger" is being redefined. What would once end a campaign in its tracks when Blackwell and I were growing up is now just an "oops, my bad."

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