Professional baby-maker and virile tabloid hottie Levi Johnston plans to run for mayor of his meth-addled hometown, bravely standing up against the old-guard fat cats that populate Wasilla's city hall/methadone clinics.- Judge Vaughn Walker personally lubed up the slippery slope in California, mandating gay marriages for everyone.
- Michelle Malkin's testicles got tied up in a bunch.
- Michele Bachmann (R-Unopposed) was granted the Mandate of Heaven and ascended to official candidateship in Tuesday's super hot primary elections, which also swept many new slobs into electoral relevancy.
- Sarah Palin's Twitter challenged fellow internet terrorist "WikiLeaks" to stop committing treason against the greatest, most freedom-est country in the world, Australia.
- Ted Stevens died and everyone pretended to feel bad for five minutes before getting back the more emotionally-resonant struggle of the McNugget Lady.
- A member of the world's most annoying class of humans, an Ayn Rand super-fan, spread his lady's message of "peace," "love" and "fuck you, got mine" to the heavens.
