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Remembering Our Fallen Week: Nothing a Little Bribe Can't Solve

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  • Barack Obama welcomed the cast of Glee to worship with him and Michelle at his dog-cult shrine and White House.
  • Dick Cheney managed to bribe his way out of being shipped to Nigeria like a lowly Wikileaker.
  • Wikileaks founder and Helen Mirren stunt-double Julian Assange was finally released on bail, so he can now get to playing the new World of Warcraft expansion with all his Internet nerd friends.
  • Stem cells maybe-cured a guy with HIV, which means that murdered babies are now being used to cure God's gay plague. Justice!
  • John Boehner got all histrionic, like an actual woman, at all those people who make the obvious observation that he has the complexion of a leathery creamsicle.
  • Mike Bloomberg and his NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT friends got together for a big old circle-jerk and copyright infringement party.
  • Your Wonkette's War on Christmas Gift Guide brought a cup of cheer to all the sad hoarders looking for more junk to fill their double-wide trailer.
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