Rep. Andy Biggs Just Wondering Why Congress Won't Investigate Gremlins Inside Dinesh D'Souza's Underpants
File:Andy Biggs official portrait.jpg - Wikimedia Commons

Republicans have big plans for next year if and when they take back the House of Representatives. We regret to inform you, however, that those plans are really, really fucking stupid. For instance, there is Arizona GOP Rep. Andy Biggs.

For those of you familiar with the Biggs oeuvre, we could stop right there. You name an issue, this cretin has been on the wrong side of it. From his vote as a state legislator opposing a ban on teenagers texting while driving, to his vote against the second COVID relief package because it "redefined family" by extending sick leave to domestic partners, to his current opposition to military aid for Ukraine, Biggs is fully committed to being wrong about every single thing.

So it should come as no surprise that he's all in on the Big Lie, huddling up with Mark Meadows and the rest of the treason weasels at the White House seeking to ratfuck the Electoral College, and trying to get a pardon when their coup plot went sideways. But it is perhaps a little surprising that one of his first orders of business appears to be arranging a congressional inquiry into Dinesh D'Souza's docu-fantasy 2000 Mules, a film so hilariously mendacious that Newsmax won't even mention it on air.

To say D'Souza's claims have been debunked is like saying it sometimes gets cold in Antarctica. The movie's central thesis is that the 2020 election was "stolen" by "mules" who dropped off multiple fake ballots at drop boxes. As proof they used cell phone location data to prove that some people were near multiple dropboxes, multiple times. Not that they were next to a dropbox, not that they put a single ballot into the dropboxes, much less multiple ballots — just that they were kinda in the vicinity. And since the majority of ballot dropboxes in, oh, say, Arizona are located at churches, schools, and libraries, it makes sense that you might wind up seeing the same people near more than one of them during an election cycle.

So we all had a much needed chuckle dunking on D'Souza's little movie, particularly since that goober added to the hilarity by making a bunch of easily disproven claims about solving cold case murders with his super-reliable geolocation data. Even Bill Barr got in on the fun.

D'Souza not only reposted the above video, but he launched into a multi-tweet tantrum, calling Barr "the stereotypical small-town sheriff, overweight and largely immobile, whose rank incompetence results in the whole town being robbed from under his nose. Then, asked to explain how it happened, Fatso breaks into laughter and insists the robbery itself is 'bullshit.'"


Naturally Andy Biggs saw that action and wanted in.

"The Committee on Oversight and Reform should immediately hold hearings to investigate the potential illegal activities revealed in the documentary film 2000 Mules," he wrote in a draft letter circulating among Republicans and published by CNN's Melanie Zanona.

“The film documents activities that raise serious questions about widespread coordinated efforts to illegally harvest and cast votes,” he goes on, citing completely made-up round numbers of "mules" in [cough cough] urban areas — 500 in Detroit! 1,100 in Philadelphia! 100 in Milwaukee! 200 in Phoenix! — to bolster his conclusion that "more than 54,000 individuals delivered votes to at least four drop boxes in each of these four states."

And yet not a single one of them has been caught and charged. Hmmmmmm.

Noting that the Oversight Committee held hearings on the Arizona fraudit -- which, BTW, "confirmed" Joe Biden's win in the state -- and vote suppression in Texas, Biggs demands that Chair Carolyn Maloney devote equal time to investigate the laughable claims from Dinesh's home movie. Because what better use of taxpayer dollars than subsidizing a congressional investigation of something that does not exist? Maybe we can get some hearings on the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot while we're at it!

It's not clear whether Biggs got any takers for this stupid stunt. But it is clear that the GOP does not intend to do any actual productive work if it gets the speaker's gavel back next year. Something to think about when we're all complaining that Biden didn't put Joe Manchin in a headlock and force him to overturn the filibuster.

Because it sucks a lot to be told "Vote! Vote!" and to feel like your vote doesn't matter, or that it doesn't bring you legislators who represent your values. But you know what's worse? Andy Biggs and the rest of the goon squad taking over the House.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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