Replicant Ted Cruz Tries 'Joke' About Press Sec 'Peppermint Patty'

White House
Replicant Ted Cruz Tries 'Joke' About Press Sec 'Peppermint Patty'

Imagine being an actual reporter with a White House press pass and doing this:

"This has been happening while you've been up at the podium. I'm not trying to ambush you, but I wanted to give you a chance to respond," asked the female reporter who is, shockingly, not Peter Doocy.

"Senator Ted Cruz is speaking at CPAC and you came up," said the intrepid journalist. Yesterday. At the actual White House. In the middle of an actual war.

The incident took place at CPAC, where Senator Cruz chanted "Let's Go Brandon," referred to Speaker Nancy Pelosi flying out of DC on a broom, and attempted to blame the White House communications director for Joe Rogan being a racist asshole.

"You look at what happened with Joe Rogan — Joe Rogan, Jen Psaki," Cruz said, pausing expectantly. But apparently the CPAC crowd was less bloodthirsty than he'd anticipated. (Yeah, we were shocked, too.)

"Oh come on, Jen Psaki doesn't get the Justin Trudeau treatment?" demanded the noted lover of civility and opponent of the politics of personal destruction.

"Peppermint Patty deserves some love!" he insisted, and the crowd booed obediently, reminded that the first tenet of Republican politics is that you must always invent the stupidest possible nickname for your opponents, then repeat it ad nauseam as if you've just made the cleverest joke ever.

Back at the White House, a reporter breathlessly repeated the news.

"He called you quote-unquote Peppermint Patty and has encouraged people to boo you," said a journalist who is likely thanking her lucky stars for the mask mandate, so her name isn't plastered all over the dumbest story of the week.

"Don't tell him I like Peppermint Patty, so I'm not going to take it too offensively," Psaki smiled. "Senator Cruz, I like Peppermint Patty. I'm a little tougher than that. But, there you go."

Later, the Dooce Bag did manage to meet his weekly weenus quota with a hypothetical about Biden sending commandos in to rescue Ukrainian President Zelenskyy if Putin captures him and prosecutes him in a show trial. Psaki repeated the administration's support for Zelenskyy and refused to get into specifics about "security steps."

In summary and in conclusion, Peppermint Patty does not have time for your shit. Peppermint Patty has a job to do, and if you insist on coming into her place of business and acting the fool, she cannot stop you. But she will not be stooping to your level, Ted Cruz, not that she could even get down that low if she tried.

And here is Peppermint Patty with your daily press briefing too, Sir. (Marcy, stop calling her "Sir.")

[Daily Mail]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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