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Republican Rep. Tom Davis So Satisfied By Virgin Sacrifices

No sex on the beachYou know how the entire U.S. and maybe Global Economy is collapsing, right now? That's all because people like Countrywide CEO Angelo Mozilo came up with the brilliant idea of giving huge mortgages to people with no down payment and no income and no credit, and then he immediately sold the mortgages to investment banks and hedge funds that chopped up the loans and sold them again and again, so that basically the entire financial system was propped up on trillions of dollars worth of doomed loans that Countrywide knew were worthless, and this whole shell game caused a real-estate bubble that has since popped, wiping out half the house equity in the nation, and meanwhile these same chief executives were taking home hundreds of millions in bonuses for pulling off this fraud operation.

That's why Virginia Congressman Tom Davis wants to make sure these subprime CEOs are treated very well during this difficult time.


Mozilo testified before the House today, along with another two subprime heroes who've already been fired -- Citigroup's Charles Prince and Merrill Lynch's E. Stanley O'Neal. Mean old Henry Waxman started yelling at them for being terrible crooks who destroyed capitalism and America, and Tom Davis decided he just wasn't going to have any of this, because it's the same thing as getting off on the ritual sex-murder of virgins!

The panel's top Republican, Rep. Tom Davis of Virginia, decried the hearing as a "sanctimonious search for scapegoats."

"Punishing individual corporate executives with public floggings like this may be a politically satisfying ritual -- like an island tribe sacrificing a virgin to a grumbling volcano," Mr. Davis said.

And now your editor's Countrywide stock is worth like $4 a share, hooray!

Rep. Davis on CEO Hearings: Like "Sacrificing a Virgin" [Muckraked]

Bank CEOs Defend Personal Windfalls [Dow Jones Newswire]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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