Republicans Promise to Keep Bush Active in His Retirement Years

How, exactly, would our Republican candidates use soon-to-be-former president Bush in their terrifying post-apocalyptic administrations?

* Tommy Thompson would... send Bush on a lecture series, utilizing a little-known constitutional provision allowing presidents to force private citizens to parade themselves before the populace for the edification and amusement of the public. This archaic provision has not been used by any sitting president since Teddy Roosevelt forced Eugene Debs to sit in the "Shoot the Freak" booth at Coney Island.

* Sam Brownback would make Bush ambassador to overseas disasters. He has an under-appreciated sense of poetic justice.

* Tom Tancredo would tell him to go fuck himself, because Karl Rove was mean to him four years ago.

We're disappointed that none of them said they'd send him to a secret CIA prison, but they didn't ask Ron Paul, so who knows.


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