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Reverend Moon Will Find 'Em For Three, Catch 'Em and Kill 'Em For Ten

Boy, just when you think Reverend Sun Myung Moon -- cult leader, Messiah, owner of the Washington Times, and king of the ocean -- can't get any weirder, he goes and becomes a shark poacher.


Federal prosecutors scored a coup last week when Reverend Kevin Thompson, Bay Area leader for the Unification Church -- aka the Moonies -- was sentenced to one year behind bars for running the world's largest baby-leopard-shark poaching ring. But previously undisclosed evidence suggests that the conservative newspaper publisher and church supreme leader Reverend Sun Myung Moon both knew of and encouraged Thompson's illegal operation.

Dudes, the guy is the king of the sea. He can poach any fucking "baby leopard sharks" he wants! He's like a tiny Korean Aquaman with a great deal of influence among American conservatives, you know, those sharks like it.

The Man vs. Moon [East Bay Express]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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