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Richard Cohen Would Like Justin Bieber To Know That Reefer Madness Is Real, Man

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There's been a lot of Justin Bieber news: the drag-racing arrest, the police raid that found drugs, the arrest for assaulting a limo driver, and his private plane pilots wearing masks because of all the dank fumage. Through all this, WaPo's Richard Cohen has not shared his feelings. Finally, today he has. O Glorious Day.


While the rest of the world is saying "wait, why do I care what some aging lover of sexual harassment who only just learned that slavery was bad thinks about this era's Bobby Vinton?" Richard Cohen has been standing in front of a mirror, stroking his beard and his penis simultaneously, whispering "they want you, baby. They want to hear from you. Everybody does. Tell it like it is, Richard Cohen. Speak truth to power about Justin Bieber." OK, we weren't really there watching that, because ewww, but honestly, it is the only explanation for this column.

On the off chance that he is not already a subscriber, I urge Justin Beiber to take a look at the current issue of the New York Review of Books. There, in addition to an article about his fellow musician, Johann Sebastian Bach, is one about marijuana. It was written by the eminent Jerome Groopman of the Harvard Medical School who says, basically, that marijuana is not a benign drug. Smoke it at your own risk.

What bazillionaire 20-year-old whose fame rests upon having really insanely good teenage hair wouldn't respond to the clarion call of the New York Review of Books? Combine that with a Bach namecheck and some weed-shaming and the Biebs has probably already read the Review cover to cover three times yet today. Then Richard Cohen pivots -- brilliantly, of course, because that is the way of Richard Cohen -- to a series of haranguing statistics about weed that basically boils down to this: if you use a fuck ton of weed every day until you can't do anything else, or you get super fucking high and drive your car, these things are bad, mmmmkay? These are really not things that are in doubt, Richard Cohen, but they are also things utterly unrelated to casual weed use or medicinal weed use or Justin Bieber weed use. Perhaps Cohen would have made a bit more sense if he could have been arsed to go back and look at other things he wrote on the topic, but haha he is too lazy for that AND TELLS US SO.

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Image: Dana Rohrabacher's office

The Associated Press finally called the race in California's 48th Congressional District late Saturday for Democratic challenger Harley Rouda, bringing an end to nearly 30 years in Congress for US Rep. Dana Rohrabacher. Over the years, Rohrabacher had represented not only his super-conservative Orange County district, but also the Taliban and Russia, and as his district has become more liberal -- or at least less frothingly rightwing John Birch Society-esque -- it was probably only a matter of time until his seat went blue. Rohrabacher's enthusiastic defenses of Donald Trump and of Vladimir Putin only hastened the swing this year. Too bad, so sad!

Let us bid a fond but not drawn out farewell to one of Congress's more spectacular idiots while we hope he's joined by many others, soon.

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HOLY WEEKEND NEWS DUMPS! While Donald Trump was across the ocean getting dunked on by Emmanuel Macron and skipping ceremonies for war heroes because he was scared his shithole hair would get messed up, journalists kept digging into the life and times of Trump's fake acting attorney general Matthew Whitaker, and DAMN. All's we know is that the Deep State must fuckin' HAAAAAAAAATE that guy, whose appointment was probably completely illegal and unconstitutional in the first place so why are we even talking about this.

We already knew bits and pieces about Matt Whitaker's scammy scummy fraud-y old gig, on the advisory board of a scammy scummy fraud-y company called World Patent Marketing, that did some MILD FRAUDS. When customers got mad, Whitaker would write them mean threatening letters. (You should read about how they "scammed US military veterans out of their life savings," as The Guardian puts it. Happy Veterans Day!)

What we didn't know -- and what one of the victims and also some other unknown people (deep state!) were more than happy to tell the Wall Street Journal -- is that FUCKIN' COMPANY IS UNDER FBI INVESTIGATION. And Whitaker was on the advisory board! And he made videos for the company! And he sent those mean threatening letters! What we're saying is that Whitaker is in deep.

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