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Richmond Remainders: Washington's Would-Be Tomb!

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So no less than three (3) Richmond people told us that we just HAD to go visit theHollywood Cemetery, where Jim Morrison is buried, because nowhere else will you see such an outstanding specimen of pastoral cemetery design. Of course we had no time to visit this ghoulish wasteland of cadavers, so we saw the next best thing: a monument to George Washington, located just outside the Virginia State House. This monument included a little door in the bottom to put Washington's corpse in, but then obviously Washington was too big to fit through it (he is at the top there). Plus he was already dead and buried up at Mount Vernon, so now they use the little hobbit-door for storing wine and ripe cheeses.


We also heard there was a nifty tunnel you could visit, wherein rests a train that was crushed when the tunnel collapsed a million years ago. The six people killed in the accident were removed, and historical re-enactors replaced their bodies with the exhumed bones of random dead people found around Richmond. (Ha ha that is a joke, do not come after us Richmond Tourism Authorities!)

The point is, look at these terrible dorks on Segways. Riding a Segway is a singularly humiliating experience, but hot damn once you get over how insanely queer you look it is the funnest thing in the world. In this sense it is basically like sex, but in public, with a helmet on.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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