Rick Wiles Science-Splains How And Why Chinese Spies Put COVID In His Butt

Science

Science problem solved!

You know End Times nutbag person Rick Wiles got the COVID, which was shocking since he was actively boycotting the vaccine, since he thinks the vaccine is going to bring about a global genocide. And you know he survived the COVID, praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow.

Now Rickles the Clown has solved the science conundrum of how he got the COVID. (No it wasn't in the last paragraph, in the sentence about "boycott vaccine.") Apparently his guest host Lauren Witzke was saying WRONG DUMB IDIOT WORDS when she suggested Wiles and the rest of his TruNews staff got the pestilence because they allowed longtime heterosexual "Milo" to talk on Rick Wiles's TruNews show about how he's forsworn touching men on their weener-wangs, FOREVER. She said it was a spiritual attack! She said Satan was just super pissed Pastor Rick had allowed Milo to talk about boycotting cock on the show! Therefore Satan gave everybody in the building COVID. That'll show 'em, thought the Devil!

Well, FACTCHECK, LAUREN WITZKE:


(Transcript via Right Wing Watch because puh-leeze, we are not in a transcribing mood.)

"There is a medical mafia in this country," a noticeably hoarse and thinner Wiles said. "I'm suggesting the CCP agents in America struck at me because I am calling for Fauci to be arrested and interrogated."

The CCP agents — he means the Chinese Communist Party — struck the COVID directly at him! And they were successful because he wasn't vaccinated. THAT STRIKE-THROUGH SENTENCE IS A LIE.

OK, so ... China attacked Rick Wiles in his man body because he won't stop telling his global audience of probably trillions that he wants known Chinese Communist Party Doctor Anthony Fauci arrested. Gotcha.

"I mean this with all my heart," Wiles continued.

No foolin'.

"If the China Communist Party is not stopped, most Americans may be dead in the next five years."

Hoo boy. We are no fans of the Chinese authoritarian dictatorship, but we are forced to ask to what end? What would be their point in murdering all of America?

Oh thank goodness, he explains:

"Think about what I just said: a systematic, genocidal plan to exterminate the American population over the next five years through a variety of biological weapons and vaccines, to the point that there's hardly anybody remaining alive in the country. China is deliberately exterminating the American population for the purpose of migrating hundreds of millions of Chinese settlers to North America."

They want to move here? All of 'em? Do they have lots of Zillow alerts set up and everything? Has China SEEN what a seller's market most of America is right now? Because if we were real-estate-advising the entire nation of China right now, we might say wait a sec to see if things cool off. Otherwise all of China gonna be paying $50K over asking with no inspection, and that's just not a #BeBest idea.

In summary and in conclusion, Rick Wiles got COVID because he's a batshit COVID vaccine conspiracy theorist, and we hope that is the end of this story arc about Rick Wiles.

Glad he's back in the studio and we pray for his continued healing, not even with our fingers crossed behind our backs.

[Right Wing Watch]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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