RIP STEVE BANNON'S MENTIONS!
The night before Tuesday's special Senate election in Alabama, Steve Bannon, grease-stained blogger, traveled to the final Roy Moore rally in the state to holler and complain, saying there's a "special place in hell" for out-of-state Republicans in Establishment Washington who wouldn't support his literally insane candidate, Judge Roy Moore. During his very well-received speech, he also made fun of MSNBC's Joe Scarborough, saying Scarborough couldn't get into the really great schools Bannon went to, like Georgetown and Harvard. This was a big applause line, because Scarborough went to the University of Alabama. What was Bannon just saying about people coming from out of state and telling Alabamians their shit?
In the months leading up to Tuesday's special election, Bannon was carrying himself like a man who was starting to believe in the "Saturday Night Live" parody of himself a LI'L TOO MUCH. He was all "GRRRRR I will destroy Mitch McConnell AAAAAARGH I will destroy the state," blah blah blah, and so forth. But did this guy who got fired from the White House and was lucky his old job at Breitbart hired him back have anything to back all that smack talk up?
No, he did not. Democrat Doug Jones kicked accused kid-toucher Roy Moore square in his ass and sent him and his horse riding back to whatever hidey hell hole he came from. The Bannon backlash was immediate and it was hilarious.
First, a report on what Bannon, the 64-year-old mass of urinal cakes and gin, thinks after his Alabama ass-kicking:
Heh OK sure! We guess the next phase of this Republican war will be called, "Why Is Steve Bannon Hitting Himself? Stop Hitting Yourself, Steve Bannon, Stop!"
Anyway, as we were saying, the backlash was immediate and it was hilarious. First, from Republican strategist Josh Holmes, who seemed to be reading the tea leaves or looking at internal numbers long before the race was called:
The Senate Leadership Fund knew by the time the race was called whose fault this was:
Some of the harshest words came from the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal, which wasted no time declaring Bannon an unperson:
The Alabama result shows that Mr. Bannon cares less about conservative policy victories than he does personal king-making. He wants to depose Mitch McConnell as Majority Leader even if it costs Republicans Senate control. GOP voters, take note: Mr. Bannon is for losers.
The Meghan McCains of the world weighed in:
The asshole NRA lady Dana Loesches of the world weighed in:
And so did the former Wonkettes of the world:
And pissed off GOP members of Congress made clear exactly what they think of the stench of Steve Bannon's rotten armpit skin tags:
King even went on the TV tubes Wednesday morning and said Bannon's up in here lookin' like a "disheveled drunk"!
Rep. Peter King: Steve Bannon "looks like some disheveled drunk who wandered on to the political stage" says Alabama vote was a "revulsion by people" of Bannon's style and political views https://t.co/EJGw7GI4Is— New Day (@NewDay) December 13, 2017
WHOA IF TRUE! Moving on:
Um OK, our bad, that last one wasn't really a condemnation of Steve Bannon, but more "Lindsey Graham is fluffing Donald Trump again." What in the hell is up with him these days? It's almost like Trump or Trump's Russian pals have something compromising on the gentleman from South Carolina!
So will Bannon get the message and take his loser ass home and go suck it, like all his erstwhile comrades are suggesting? Nah, that's not now he rolls. We at Wonkette encourage Bannon to ignore the haters, keep doing what feels right, and screw around in Republican races all the way through 2018 and beyond.
It worked in Alabama last night! (For us!)
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