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RNC Chairman Slanders Caterpillars, Says War On Women ‘Is A Fiction’

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The war on women -- is it real? Do elected people (some of them women) really want women to be declared as pregnant when all they really have isCRAMPS? Or is it all for the woman's "SAFETY," i.e. make sure they aren't abused coming out of an abortion clinic by maybe not letting them go to one in the first place? This and other important questions were answered in a highbrow Bloomberg Television discussion featuring Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus over the weekend. And the important conclusion is that Reince believes that if the Democrats decided that caterpillars -- common pests, sometimes stinging, sometimes furry, sometimes booger-like in appearance -- were being victimized -- probed, prodded, given a souvenir picture they don't really want, told they are somehow pregnant from sex they will have in two weeks due to a strange glitch found in the time-space continuum -- then the liberal media would similarly declare there to be a WAR ON CATERPILLARS! True or false?


Mr. Priebus:

If the Democrats said we had a war on caterpillars and every mainstream media outlet talked about the fact that Republicans have a war on caterpillars, then we’d have problems with caterpillars.

Interesting! But to be fair, angry people setting your e-mails about this to high priority, Republicans have experienced their own power of persuasion, and so Reince is just speaking from experience. Recall, when the Republicans said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and every mainstream media outlet talked about the fact that Republicans think Iraq has weapons of mass destruction then suddenly Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

The difference here is that we are hearing from the source itself, women, and they are not pleased! Whereas WMDs could not speak, because they did not exist, for one! Anyway, Priebus did say that if the Republicans would just "focus on the economy" like other sane people, they could "win back" some women, and the war would be over, Happy Xmas. BUT FIRST. It is very important that we pass legislation requiring a woman to stick a camera up her hoo-ha as soon as she thinks of a penis. For her safety. [Bloomberg News]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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