HO!! LEE!! SHIT!! THESE PEOPLE ARE THE GRIFTINGEST SUMBITCHES THAT EVER LIVED! Yesterday Reuters revealed that the RNC has a special legal defense fund for people named Donald Trump. Yes, the Republican National Committee is raising money to defray legal fees for a man who claims to be worth $10 billion.

But, before you get yourself all worked up about the RNC setting up a slush fund just for the president, remember that the money is available for Don Jr. as well. In August, the RNC paid $230,000 to Poppy's lawyers (the ones not being paid by you the taxpayer), and $196,000 for the Deej.

You Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me!

NO! WE ARE NOT FUCKING KIDDING! Donald Trump colluded with the Russians to steal a presidential election, and the RNC is picking up the tab for the legal work.

Well, not exactly the RNC. Spokeswoman Cassie Smedile took great pains to say the lawyers weren't getting paid with RNC money.

They have been paid with funds from a pre-existing legal proceedings account and do not reduce by a dime the resources we can put towards our political work.

Translation: Outside donors contribute directly to the legal defense fund, we just maintain the account.

Outside Donors Like Who?

If you guessed Robert and Rebekah Mercer, the patron saints of Breitbart, award yourself $5. Also, too, Charles Schwab (yes, that one), Home Depot Founder Bernie Marcus, and billionaire energy investor Richard Kayne. Just good folks who want to contribute $101,700 each (or $203,400 for a married couple) to defend a good man against these scurrilous accusations.

Sure, it may look like a gift of hundreds of thousands of dollars to a sitting president. But that's only because IT IS.

That CANNOT Be Legal!

Au contraire, mon frère! Republicans slipped that little gift into a 2014 bill designed to prop up the RNC, which is limited in what it can take in from individual donors. Sure you can give unlimited, anonymous gifts to SuperPACs. But if you give $100,000 to the RNC, the President will know exactly where to send the thank you note!

So, Is the RNC Going To Help Out Anyone Who Actually Needs The Money?

Shut up, ya bleeding heart librul!

The Washington Post reports that the RNC is looking into whether they can pay the mounting legal bills of White House employees who are not billionaires (ALLEGEDLY!!), but right now they have to just let those people cash out their kids' college accounts. Darn you, ethics rules!

Separately, party and administration officials are working to determine whether executive branch staff members, who must comply with gift rules, could have their legal fees defrayed by the RNC or private legal defense funds.

JFC! Is That It?

Nope. It's legal for these guys to spend campaign contributions on legal fees, so they're tapping that well, too. OF COURSE. In addition to paying Don Jr's lawyer $50,000 in June (before the Trump Tower meeting with all the Russians even broke), Donald Trump's campaign has paid out $89,000 for "legal consulting" TO THE TRUMP CORPORATION. Via WaPo,

In addition, the campaign committee paid the Trump Corporation — a company being run by Trump Jr. and his brother, Eric — more than $89,000 for “legal consulting” on June 30, the report showed.

Reasons we need to TAKE BACK THE FUCKING HOUSE! Because how the hell are Don and Eric collecting legal fees when they are not a lawyer? But instead of former prosecutor Adam Schiff chairing the House Intelligence Committee, we have that dipshit Devin Nunes. And that guy couldn't find his own dick with two hands and a map, much less investigate the wholesale looting of the country by the Trump crime syndicate.

But we digress!

Surely Trump's Idiot Lawyers Have Something To Add!

You betcha! When asked who was paying Trump's legal bills, his personal lawyer for the Russia investigation, John Dowd, replied,

That's none of your business.

Yes, the same John Dowd who discussed Trump's legal strategy in a popular DC lunch spot oblivious of the New York Times reporter taking notes and snapping photos next to him.

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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