Republican senators all want ancient Robert Byrd to DIE before Christmas Eve, so he can't vote for Health Care Reform -- this is not a jokey exaggeration, but documented fact. Democrats, on the other hand, just want Americans to honor Byrd's half a century in the Senate by remembering his many legislative maneuvers and triumphs or whatever. Just kidding, they just want you to know Byrd is still, technically, alive.

Sen. Christopher J. Dodd (D-Conn.), who sits next to Byrd in the chamber, took note of his cheery attitude this week. "He looks a lot better, he seems a lot better, than a few weeks ago," Dodd said. He added that Byrd is "clearly aware" of who his colleagues are, their families and their legislative interests.

Ha ha, Christmas is going to be like that for lots of us with elderly relations, isn't it? So just try to be cool when Granny hisses at your wife of 15 years, "Who's that whore?" At least your old relatives aren't expected to supply the sixtieth vote for health care reform! [Washington Post]