Robert Mueller All Up In Jared Kushner's Fucked Up Money Business Again, Oh Shit!


We have this feeling that the Robert Mueller investigation is finally getting to the real meat of the fireworks show. We had the indictments of 13 Russians related to the more piddly-ass side of the Russian hacking operation (the social media troll farm side, as opposed to the hacking the DNC and the Hillary campaign and laundering the emails through WikiLeaks side) on Friday, the guilty plea the same day from an American who helped them, the Tuesday charges against a lawyer you ain't never heard of (more on that in our next post), and and and AND AND AND!

There's also news, broken late Monday by CNN, that Mueller is zeroing in even closer on Jared Kushner, prince of America, heterosexual marriage friend of Ivanka Trump! Specifically, Mueller is looking into Jay-K's "efforts to secure financing for his company from foreign investors during the presidential transition," related to his building at 666 Fifth Avenue in New York City, which has been giving him many financial woes, because of how it's insanely upside down. (We mean that in a financial way, not an architectural way, because that would be dumb if they literally built it upside down, right?)

Bess Levin at Vanity Fair has a nice and snarky summary of WTF is wrong with that building, and spoiler, WTF is wrong is named "Jared":

[666 Fifth Avenue is] the Midtown tower that a 26-year-old Jared decided to buy, on the eve of the financial crisis, for a then-record-setting $1.8 billion by putting down a mere $50 million and borrowing the rest. With 30 percent vacancy, losses that were expected to hit $24 million last year, and a $1.2 billion mortgage due in February 2019, the Kushner Companies’ big Hail Mary plan was to raze the property and replace it with a gleaming Zaha Hadid-designed tower requiring even more money, including a $4 billion construction loan. Yet so far, attempts to raise funds from everyone from the richest man in France to South Korea’s sovereign-wealth fund have been rebuffed. And Vornado Realty Trust, which owns 49.5 percent of the tower and whose C.E.O. has reportedly said that 666 Fifth “would be worth a lot more if it was just dirt,” wants out.

Donald Trump's daughter marries the best deal makers!

CNN reports that Mueller is sifting through Jare-Bear's contacts with Chinese and Qatari investors who aren't even slightly Russian, in his efforts to keep that stupid 666 Fifth Avenue property afloat.

There has been MANY NEWS over the past year along the lines of "THE FBI WENT TO JARED" and "ROBERT MUELLER WENT TO JARED," and we've always been 99.999% sure he is one of the prime targets of the investigation. Why? Oh, just all his secret backdoor meetings with Russians, including the heads of state-owned Russian banks and other silly stuff like that. And also his weird, fucked up financial situation, mentioned above, which has left him hat-in-hand beggin' any old criminal mobster/Russian banker/Chinese banker for Please Give Me One Billion Dollars Or At Least Enough To Buy A Big Mac. And his slimy forgetfulness when it comes to his financial disclosures and whether or not he ever talked quid pro quo with those Russians about lifting sanctions. And the fact he ran the Trump campaign data operation. And and and AND AND AND!

Point is, Robert Mueller could probably put Jared in jail for any number of things, and only Mueller knows which of Jared's actions are crimes and which are simply sad and douchey, which is not actually illegal in US America.

Kush has, of course, maintained that he is completely innocent, but he would say that.

Maybe Robert Mueller has just heard about Jared 'n' Ivanka's giant credit line balances of multi-million dollar doom, and he wants to set up a discreet meeting between them and his good pal Suze Orman, to help the irresponsible youngsters get out of debt. (They're already making progress! Ivanka's Visa card balance is under $100 grand now. Way to work your plan, girl!)

We would like to close this post with a passage from the DODGY STEELE DOSSIER, because no reason:

Trump's fucked up Chinese connections, Jared's fucked up Chinese connections, Trump's fucked up Russian connections, Jared's fucked up Russian connections ...

Maybe if all these assclowns end up going to a nice day-camp white collar prison they can put Donald and Jared next to each other, so they can talk to each other about fucked up China and Russia stuff, in prison.

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[CNN / Vanity Fair]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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