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Mama said knock you out.


Oh dear! Wonder if this is one of the reasons Smartest MENSA Reject Ever Devin Nunes was so eager to shut down his investigation! Wonder if it's one of the reasons President Good Brain has seemed even less hinged than usual! The New York Times breaks news this afternoon that UH OH MOTHERFUCKER, Robert Mueller has sent subpoenas to the Trump Organization about RUSSIA STUFF, and also other stuff related to his business too:

The special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III, has subpoenaed the Trump Organization to turn over documents, including some related to Russia, according to two people briefed on the matter. It is the first known instance of the special counsel demanding documents directly related to President Trump’s businesses, bringing the investigation closer to the president.

The breadth of the subpoena was not clear, nor was it clear why Mr. Mueller issued it instead of simply asking for the documents from the company, an umbrella organization that oversees Mr. Trump’s business ventures.

Ooh, pick us, pick us! Maybe Mueller went ahead and did subpoenas because Trump and pals are some shifty crime family motherfuckers who get off on obstructing justice, so he thought he'd go ahead and skip the niceties of "document requests" and get right to the real shit. They're lucky he hasn't KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER-ed with a battering ram, to make sure they don't destroy evidence.

Hey, remember that time Trump said it would cross his red line if Mueller started poking around in his finances? Yeah well, Robert Mueller is not touching the line! can't get mad! not touching the line! can't get mad! because he just POLE VAULTED OVER IT, you stupid ass clowns.

Of course, when Trump said that, he might as well have been saying, "Hey-O, this is where the Russian conspiracy bodies are buried, and also some other bodies," as Robert Mueller is well aware. Hell, it's not exactly news that Mueller is all up Trump's ass regarding his businesses. He's been doing that for ages.

During Thursday's White House press briefing, a journalist (we'll call him Big Guy, because we have no idea who it was) asked the press secretary (whom we'll call Sarah Huckabee Sanders, because unfortunately we do) if President Russian Asset is SO MAD GRRR ANGRY about Robert Mueller crossing his line, and she said, "The president believes very strongly there was no collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia," and that they would continue to cooperate with Mueller, so obviously the answer is he is SO MAD GRRR ANGRY.

NYT doesn't give much more information on exactly what dirty Russian Trump moneys Mueller is looking at, so we feel safe saying he is looking at ALL OF THEM KATIE, from the money Russia has probably laundered into pretty every Trump Organization project ever -- thanks for spilling the dirt on that several years ago, dumb male Trump offspring! -- all the way up to the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal that might be the key that unlocks the whole damn conspiracy. Oh, and we bet Mueller's investigators are looking hard at the new-ish United Arab Emirates angle, and whether UAE was illegally funding Trump, or Russia was illegally funding Trump through the UAE, and also too other stuff.

For a more complete explanation, you'd have to ask Robert Mueller, but spoiler you can't, because he ain't talkin'.

Golly Jesus, we just got big BOOM Robert Mueller news and it is not even Friday! Is tomorrow going to be indictment o' clock? Oh heavens, we hope so.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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