Robert Mueller Just Begged Congress To Impeach The Living F*ck Out Of Donald Trump

Robert Mueller is a man of few words, clearly. And when he speaks, as he did this morning, he says what he wants to say, nothing more and nothing less. So it's worth noting what exactly he did say in his short statement, and what he didn't.

At the beginning, Mueller made clear that he doesn't really have anything to add to what's in the report, but by the way, in case you haven't heard, there's a 448-page report out there that he'd like you to read, asking that the "office's written work speak for itself." Did he mention you should read it? That's what he meant when he said that.

Mueller outlined what his investigation found regarding Russian active measures against the 2016 election, in order to hurt Hillary Clinton and benefit Donald Trump. Indeed, he started with this, and he ended with it, because apparently he thinks it's really fucking important that a hostile foreign power literally attacked our presidential election.

Then he talked about investigating the connections between the Trump campaign and Russians, and said out loud what we already knew, because we unlike some people in the United States Congress have read the report:

The first volume of the report details numerous efforts emanating from Russia to influence the election. This volume includes a discussion of the Trump campaign's response to this activity as well as our conclusion that there was insufficient evidence to charge a broader conspiracy.

"Insufficient evidence." Which is not "no conspiracy," and it is definitely not NO COLLUSION!

Lindsey Graham is on Twitter saying the opposite right now, because Lindsey Graham lies for Daddy Trump, but here would be a good time to remind y'all of this passage from the Mueller Report, about why they had "insufficient evidence" (EMPHASIS FUCKING OURS):

The investigation did not always yield admissible information or testimony, or a complete picture of the activities undertaken by subjects of the investigation. Some individuals invoked their Fifth Amendment right against compelled self-incrimination and were not, in the Office's judgment, appropriate candidates for grants of immunity. The Office limited its pursuit of other witnesses and information — such as information known to attorneys or individuals claiming to be members of the media — in light of internal Department of Justice policies. See, e.g., Justice Manual §§ 9-13.400, 13.410. Some of the information obtained via court process, moreover, was presumptively covered by legal privilege and was screened from investigators by a filter (or "taint") team. Even when individuals testified or agreed to be interviewed, they sometimes provided information that was false or incomplete, leading to some of the false-statements charges described above. And the Office faced practical limits on its ability to access relevant evidence as well — numerous witnesses and subjects lived abroad, and documents were held outside the United States.

Further, the Office learned that some of the individuals we interviewed or whose conduct we investigated — including some associated with the Trump Campaign — deleted relevant communications or communicated during the relevant period using applications that feature encryption or that do not provide for long-term retention of data or communications records. In such cases, the Office was not able to corroborate witness statements through comparison to contemporaneous communications or fully question witnesses about statements that appeared inconsistent with other known facts.

Yeah, sure, you bet, "no collusion."

Back to today! Mueller then addressed the Obstruction of Justice section of his report:

[A]s set forth in the report ... if we had had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so. We did not, however, make a determination as to whether the president did commit a crime.

He would have exonerated if he could have exonerated. He could not exonerate, therefore the Mueller Report DOES NOT EXONERATE.

But why didn't they make a decision on whether Trump did commit a crime?

The introduction to Volume II of our report explains that decision. It explains that under long-standing department policy, a president cannot be charged with a federal crime while he is in office. That is unconstitutional. Even if the charge is kept under seal and hidden from public view, that, too, is prohibited. [...] A special counsel's office is part of the Department of Justice, and by regulation, it was bound by that department policy. Charging the president with a crime was therefore not an option we could consider.

Not because there wasn't evidence -- there was a fuckton of it, as we know, and as all the Democrats calling for impeachment know, and as GOP Rep. Justin Amash knows, because we all read the report. This is simply reaffirming what the report said, but it's worthwhile to hear it from the man's mouth.

Mueller is saying that hey no shit, Trump committed a bunch of crimes. But it's not his role to prosecute them.

Know whose decision it is? Let Mueller make INCREDIBLY FUCKING CLEAR whose decision it is.

[T]he DoJ opinion on indicting a sitting president] says that the Constitution requires a process other than the criminal justice system to formally accuse a sitting president of wrongdoing.

What Robert Mueller is saying here -- get this clearly -- is that NOBODY at Justice can make that decision. That means BILL BARR cannot make this decision. Robert Mueller might as well have pulled out a bullhorn and faced in the direction of the Capitol, yelling, "DO YOU HEAR ME RIGHT NOW, CONGRESS? I AM SAYING THIS IS YOUR FUCKING JOB, SO READ MY REPORT AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!"

In so doing, Mueller called Bill Barr a liar in public:

Mueller wasn't being exactly subtle. He was just being succinct.

And everybody is getting the message.

Wait, did we say "everybody" is getting the message? That was fake news, because the White House is just lying about the message, BIG SURPRISE, because they are all liars who will go to hell when they die of carbuncles on their taints or whatever, as punishment for being big liars.

But what did we just say about how Robert Mueller said explicitly that Bill Barr cannot make that determination, by virtue of the fact that he can't make the opposite determination? My Fellow Americans, Bill Barr's only job right now is to SHUT HIS FUCKING GAPING MOUTH HOLE.

So that is what Robert Mueller said today. We felt like it should be underlined.

Congress, do your fucking thing.

[transcript viaPolitico]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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