Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Robert Mueller wants to have a chat with Donald Trump in the next few weeks about why Trump "You're Fired" Jim Comey and Mike Flynn if there was never any pee hooker tape.

Jeff Sessions found himself under Robert Mueller's heat lamp last week just as Republicans began screaming about government spies spying on Trump and Co. [Morning Maddow]

Just after Trump "You're Fired" Jim Comey, he brought in acting director Andrew McCabe and asked him to kiss his ring, suck his dick, and pledge his loyalty before demanding to know if he voted for KILLARY and ragging on him for marrying a Democrat.

Paul Manafort's partner in ALLEGED Not American crime Rick Gates has quietly hired fancy white-collar attorney Tom Green for his defense team, suggesting that Gates is either looking to cut a deal, or lawyering up for MORE criminal charges. (No, not that Tom Green.)

Yesterday on the Sarah Huckabee Sanders Shit Show, the Shuckster pooted that Trump hasn't "You're Fired" Robert Mueller because it would make the LIBERAL media mad. It's good to know that his administration is more concerned about bad press coverage than obstruction of justice.

It's been a year to the day since Mike Flynn first sat down with the FBI, and TODAY we know that Flynn didn't tell anyone in Trump's White House about that little Q&A.

In newly released texts from that FBI agent who was "You're Fired" from Robert Mueller's justice league, Peter Strzok initially doubted that there was any "big there there" in Trump-Russia; clearly this is evidence of a secret plot to turn 'Muricans into lizard people with HER EMAILS. [Archive]

An internal investigation from Twitter has found that prominent Republicans and Trumpkins MIGHT be the source of all those bogus memo tweets, but there's still a hell of a lot of Russian bots propping the whole thing up. That loud ringing in your ears is the sound of Democrats warning us of Russian fuckery happening right now.

The Republicans and Fox News talking heads have been freaking out and trying to concoct new conspiracy theories about the FBI. Last night Hannity gave some disjointed rant about KILLARY being some kind of puppet master, while Lou Dobbs sank further into embarrassing senility and called for declaration of "war" against the "secret society" being mean to Trump.

Dreamers are living in a nightmare (still) after DACA talks between Republicans and Democrats broke down (AGAIN).

The people tapped by Trump to head government agencies have been given free range to fuck up just about whatever they want, especially if it's something Obama did.

After a report found that PA Rep. Pat Meehan, who settled his own sexual harassment claim as a member of the House Ethics Committee, was booted off the committee investigating Congressional sexual harassment claims, and yesterday he gave a bizarre interview where he calls his own settlement a "severance." Charming to the last.

The Pentagon gave a couple of senators a sneak peek at the Trump administration's plan to build a shitload of new nukes, but the steep price tag and workload has the outgoing head of the nuclear arsenal sounding alarms.

Chuck Grassley wants to ram through more Trump judicial nominees even though they're opposed by home state senators on the Judicial Committee -- funny, he suddenly has a fire under his ass.

Speaking of judges! This at Slate about how bad Neil Gorsuch sucks is a delight.

Jerome Powell is your new head of the Fed after an 84-13 vote that saw several Republicans join progressive Democrats like Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren in opposing Powell as a replacement for outgoing Fed chair Janet Yellen.

A report from the bank lawyer tapped by Trump to write financial policies suggests repealing the Volcker Rule, the Obama-era regulation that prevents banks from using their own money to make sketchy bets that can tank the stock market.

Trump has tapped Charles "Chuck" Rettig to head the IRS and sift through the jumbled mess he created with his tax cuts (for the super rich). It's hard to tell why Rettig was picked, but he has publicly supported Trump hiding his tax returns.

Joni Ernst was plodding around a corn field in her bread bags telling farmers that Trump might be changing his mind on NAFTA after realizing that the rurals worship corn more than Jeebus or Toby Keith.

New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy has ordered more access to medical marijuana. Great, now all the kids are going to run out and get cancer just so they can get all potted up.

Manhattan District Attorney Cy Vance has announced that he'll no longer take campaign donations from defense attorneys with cases in front of him AFTER being criticized for accepting cash from super rich people like Harvey Weinstein and the Trump family. That took a while, huh Cy?

Here's some great justice time: A town manager in Maine was "You're Fired" for being a racist POS who wanted people to "voluntarily separate" themselves.

Mike Pence's Middle Eastern vacation has been a disaster. When he wasn't publicly blathering obscene partisan and religious garbage to world leaders and the military, he's encouraged the "special treatment" of women in Israel, like making them stand behind male colleagues in press scrums. They're calling it the #PenceFence.

Trump's pick to head the Internet portion of the Commerce Department (in so many jargony words) privately told Freedom fuckers Ted Cruz and Mike Lee that he would gather an army of nerds and try to retake control of the Internet from foreigners.

Every tiny shithole country is building a cheap army of hackers now that they've realized people are stupid and don't take cyber crimes seriously.

Early this morning Trump's White House released this hilariously cheesy video of CEOs and Jesus freaks sucking Trump's dick to the tune of twangy guitars.

One of the sci fi greats, Ursula K. Le Guin, passed away, and we are full of sads. :(

Finally, congratulations to Sen. Tammy Duckworth! Yesterday she announced that she is pregnant. Mazel tov!

And here's your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert speculates what Mike Pence's porn preference is (gross); Jimmy Kimmel wonders how Melon Trump will do on a fake reality teevee love showSeth Meyers recorded the tiny voice in Trump's headThe Daily Show told everyone that Africans don't use talking sticksJordan Klepper talked with former Messican president Vicente Fox.

And here's your morning Nice Time! WOMBAT!

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Follow Dominic on Twitter and watch him cut holes in the #PenceFence

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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