Donate

Mama said knock you out


Very Smart Trump lawyer Ty Cobb has been telling his client over and over again not to worry, that the Robert Mueller investigation -- or at least the part of it involving Trump, which is basically All Of It Katie in some form or another -- will be over by Thanksgiving Christmas shortly after the New Year. The exact date keeps getting pushed back, a few weeks here, a few weeks there, but Cobb's point is solid and definitely super-accurate. OR MAYBE Cobb knows his client is four years old and Cobb is telling Trump what he needs to hear. After all, we wouldn't want Trump to emerge from a crying fit after somebody said "Russia" during his intelligence briefing, only to fly into a diaper-shitting rage and suddenly try to do the Saturday Night Massacre on Twitter, would we?

Sometime this week, Trump's lawyers are planning to meet with Mueller, so he can confirm the lies they've been telling their client. Unfortunately, the Washington Post has some bad news, and it is that the investigation will consume much of 2018, and maybe even after that when Democrats control Congress by a margin of 942 to Louie Gohmert:

... [P]eople familiar with the probe say that such assurances are unlikely and that the meeting could trigger a new, more contentious phase between the special counsel and a frustrated president, according to administration officials and advisers close to Trump.

People with knowledge of the investigation said it could last at least another year — pointing to ongoing cooperation from witnesses such as former Trump campaign adviser George Papadopoulos and former national security adviser Michael Flynn, as well as a possible trial of two former Trump campaign officials. The special counsel’s office has continued to request new documents related to the campaign, and members of Mueller’s team have told others they expect to be working through much of 2018, at a minimum.

But Trump thought it was almost over now! No fair! He cleared a space on a wall in the Oval Office to hang up the framed letter he's for sure gonna get from Bob Mueller that says, "Dear Mr. President, Whose Hands Are Large: You win first prize in being innocent in my investigation!" That is how this works, right?

WaPo quotes a "Trump adviser" who says President Jinglefarts will probably "explode" sometime in 2018 when he notices the investigation is still going on. He reportedly won't mind so much if Mueller is still investigating Paul Manafort or Michael Flynn, since Trump has never met those guys ever and if they did crimes like a common Hillary, then LOCK THEM UP. As long as Mueller leaves Trump alone, because of the simple facts of the matter, which are "NO COLLUSION! NO COLLUSION! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION! EVERYBODY AGREES, EVEN MY WORST ENEMIES, THAT YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!"

Of course, this weekend, former intel chief James Clapper said that if you watch the way Vladimir Putin, KGB guy, handles Trump -- and he does handle him, apparently all the time on their private calls they don't tell the White House press corps about -- it's pretty obvious Trump is a Russian "asset," whether he's smart enough to know he is or not. It's almost like Clapper was reading Wonkette over a year ago and finally decided to say it out loud!

And also of course, we are still dealing with the constant barrage of bullshit from the Fox News/House Freedom Caucus wing of the Idiot Party, about how ROBERT MUELLER DID EMAILS! and SOME FBI GUY DID TEXT MESSAGES! And hell, Hillary Clinton's probably out there doing aggravated Russian uraniums still, we don't know, but it's pretty obvious that particular cohort doesn't have a bunch of faith Robert Mueller is about to deliver unto Trump a clean bill of health.

(Why would he do that, when he's probably just getting to the good part and uncovering an insane conspiracy to have Russia install Trump in office and steal the Middle East's resources and give them to Russians for the purposes of making some rich assholes in America, Russia -- and the UAE probably, and Turkey most likely -- even more richer?)

The point is Robert Mueller is definitely finishing his investigation right now and Donald Trump has nothing to worry about, nope, you betcha, everything's good.

Or the opposite of that. Just tell the baby whatever it needs to hear.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you're not, because Amazon done fucked our payment system. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye.

[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc