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Rod Rosenstein Cannot Even Handle How Stupid Louie Gohmert Is Right Now

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Time for another dispatch of today's hearings in Congress, where Rod Rosenstein and Chris Wray are FOR SOME REASON refusing to take orders from the stupidest idiot congressmen the GOP ever conjured, and immediately end the Russia investigation. When we wrote at you earlier, it was about Rep. Jim Jordan, the cheaply dressed congressman from Ohio, who got laughed at right there in Congress for being so irredeemably stupid. Now we have Louie Gohmert interrogating Rosenstein, and trying his level best to reclaim the title of Dipshittiest Dipshit In Congress from Jordan.


Gohmert is still very upset that four separate FISA judges agreed four separate times that Carter Page is not only an idiot, but also an asset of Russian intelligence, and that he should therefore have his Obamaphones tapped. (We must ask as always, WHY THE FUCK ARE REPUBLICANS DYING ON THE HILL OF PROTECTING CARTER PAGE?) Gohmert will not let this Deep State conspiracy of putting Russian intelligence assets under surveillance stand! So he yelled and yelled at Rosenstein, who calmly sat there smirking, except for when the smirk broke out into a laugh, because Gohmert is seriously so stupid, oh my god.

What's so sad about this -- or funny, if you think pointing and laughing at GOP congressmen like Louie Gohmert who sure seem like their mama and daddy mighta been LI'L BIT BROTHER AND SISTER is funny, and we do -- is how slowly Rod Rosenstein has to speak, in order to explain very simple concepts to Gohmert, who literally has no idea how any of this works.

Here are some highlights, starting after the two minute mark, which finds Gohmert VERY CONFUSED as to why Rod Rosenstein might not have had to read every single word of the FOURTH FISA APPLICATION on Carter Page, a renewal based on established evidence that PAGE IS LITERALLY A RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE ASSET. Rosenstein explained, "I approved the filing. That's my job, sir."

Gohmert didn't get it:

GOHMERT: Bein' a former felony state judge, if I had somebody like you come before me and now it was revealed later that the guy that signed and approved an application for a warrant had not even read the application that would allow for spying on somebody ...

ROSENSTEIN, OPENLY GRINNING: That would be atrocious!

GOHMERT: ... I would look at everything he signed from then on with a jaundiced eye, and I'm tellin' ya, I was li'l' concerned ...

ROSENSTEIN: Give me a chance to explain, sir?

Nah, fuck that! Gohmert just wanted to hear his own East Texas armpit farts. Gohmert went on to state that he wasn't even asking Rosenstein a question, and then added that he has another question, which just turned out to be a collection of buzzwords from one of Sean Hannity's make believe charts about the DEEP STATE HILLARY CONSPIRACY!

When it was finally Rosenstein's chance to talk again, he said he hopes at some point he gets to explain "FISA Applications, How Do They Work?" to poor Gohmert, who is an idiot. When Rosenstein said that, he made this face, which we will call his "WHAT IS THIS YAPPING BALD CHIHUAHUA REDNECK IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW" face:

Gohmert filibustered until he was informed that his time had expired, at which point Rosenstein said, "I apologize! I thought you were asking me questions, sir." But no, Gohmert was not asking questions. Rosenstein continued anyway:

I completely understand your concern!

(Because you are so stupid!)

And this FISA process is being reviewed by the inspector general, and if he finds some problem with it, I'll respect that. Now, we don't talk about FISAs. It's illegal for us to talk about FISAs. [...]

What I signed was what's called a "renewal application," already had been approved three different times by a federal judge. It was signed under oath by an FBI agent who attested that it was true and correct. Now if he was wrong, we'll hold him accountable. But let's allow the process to conclude before we jump to conclusions about that, because I assure you, sir, I'll be just as offended as you if I find that there was some incorrect information in that application.

Got it, dumbass? Rod Rosenstein is pretty sure everything is fine and dandy with that FISA application ON A RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE ASSET, but if it isn't, he'll be mad as a common Louie Gohmert about it!

Gohmert still didn't get it, so Rosenstein tried again VERY SLOWLY to explain how FISA warrants work, throwing shade as he began, saying, "I understand the FISA process is very obscure to most people." Apparently it is also very obscure to Texas Republican congressmen!

Oh well.

We commend Rod Rosenstein for not absolutely losing his shit today, and for being so gentle with Louie Gohmert. If we were in Rosenstein's position, we probably would have just pointed and laughed.

Now it is your OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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