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Politicians! They're all alike! You know, except for how the current president of the United States is an unfit wannabe dictator with bad skin and an even worse brain and also a weird mushroom penis and pubes that bring to mind mythical land monsters. But in other ways, they are all alike!

For instance, one time Bill Clinton and then-attorney general Loretta Lynch had a brief meeting on the tarmac at the Phoenix airport, because when you're going to conduct affairs in secret with people whose cell numbers are totally in your Obamaphone, you do it right there on the tarmac, to trick everybody into assuming you are just talking about grandchildren and golf. This happened while Hillary Clinton was under investigation for EMAILS!

Similarly, Donald Trump and Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, who is overseeing the investigation into Donald Trump's emails treason, met on Air Force One on the tarmac this weekend, and we don't know what they talked about, but we assume it was also grandchildren and golf. You know how Trump is, the warm grandpa type who just can't stop showing you baby pictures (and adding that if he was a little younger, he might be dating those babies, ALLEGEDLY).


Regardless, at the end of the meeting, it was reported that Trump will not be firing Rod Rosenstein, because he doesn't believe the New York Times's reporting about Rosenstein saying he was going to do "wire tapps" to the president's bottom and then get a group together to cram the 25th Amendment down the president's throat. (For once, we agree with Trump, sort of. The NYT absolutely and massively fucked up that reporting. But we are still pretty sure Rosenstein said those things. How can these things be true at the same time? It's called NUANCE! And it's also called "kidding," because we're pretty sure Rosenstein, who has a very dry sense of humor, was just being a silly goose.)

As usual, the president and his stable of stable geniuses are using weasel words to keep alive the possibility/likelihood that Trump will go ahead and can Rosenstein (and also Attorney General Jeff Sessions) after the midterms, when supposedly nobody will be looking. For instance, Rudy Giuliani says Trump shouldn't fire Rosenstein until they "solidify things with Mueller," and Giuliani is always pretty sure the Mueller investigation is almost over, like definitely sometime in the next two weeks, give or take a decade.

Also, as WaPo notes, Trump said after that DAY OF CRAZY, when everybody was liveblogging Rod Rosenstein going to the White House to get fired/murdered/fed a lovely meal of assorted cheeses and grapes, that his "preference" was for Rosenstein to stay, so that he could "finish up." Which still sounds to us like he's getting shitcanned after the midterms. So we guess we'll just have to see! It should of course be noted that keeping Rosenstein on for a minute gives Trump's adoring fans in the House Freedom Caucus a little more time to use Rosenstein as a chew toy, which is their favorite thing.

Our point is that Rod Rosenstein and Donald Trump did a tarmac thing and now everything is better, and Trump definitely did not demand loyalty tests or pinky swears from the deputy attorney general, and he definitely did not grab Rosenstein by the pussy or anything untoward like that.

Perish the thought.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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