Roger Stone Almost Sh*t Himself During Jury Selection. And Then It Really Hit The Fan.
Roger Stone Instagram

Roger Stone is shit scared. Literally. On Tuesday during jury selection, he had to leave the courtroom because of ahem food poisoning.

"I have Imodium in my chambers," Judge Amy Berman Jackson offered, after Stone excused himself yet again to tend to his churning bowels. But her generosity did not extend to slowing down the voir dire process for the defendant's tummy troubles, and by Wednesday morning the jury was ready for opening argument. Then the shit really hit the fan!

Roger Stone is charged with obstruction, lying to Congress, and tampering with a witness. He repeatedly told House investigators that he never spoke to anyone in the campaign about Wikileaks and the hacked Democratic emails, had no contact or go-between with Julian Assange, never tried to contact Assange, and had no communication regarding upcoming dumps of stolen DNC emails. None of that was true, as the FBI discovered when they recovered hundreds of emails and text messages with Jerome Corsi and Randy Credico off the Moron Squad's phones and hard drives.

But Roger Stone's lawyer has a most excellent defense to that one. See, when Adam Schiff asked if Stone had any correspondence with Wikileaks or a go-between to Assange, Roger Stone assumed he meant pertaining to Russia. It's like that game you played when you were fifteen and you added "in bed" to every sentence. Stone was mentally adding "in Russia" to all of HPSCI's queries, and so he had no "criminal intent" to lie to Congress.

Like when Stone was asked "Did you ask [the intermediary] to communicate anything else to Julian Assange?" Now, if you didn't know the IN RUSSIA rule, you might think he was obligated to disclose a July 25, 2016, email to Jerome Corsi exhorting him to "Get to Assange. At Ecuadorian Embassy in London and get the pending Wikileaks emails . . . they deal with Foundation, allegedly." But actually, in his mind Stone heard "Did you ask [the intermediary] to communicate anything else to Julian Assange IN RUSSIA?" And everyone knows Julian Assange was holed up smearing shit on the walls of the Ecuadorian embassy in London back in 2016, so Stone wasn't lying when he responded, "I did not."

So, anyway, NO RUSSIA and Roger Stone can haz acquittal now?

And if you think that's some amazing bullshit, wait until you hear his defense to the charge of witness tampering! For months, prosecutors have been trying admit this clip from the movie Godfather II as evidence at trial.

The Godfather II - Michael brings Frank Pentangeli's brother at his trial

In the movie, mobster Frank Pentangeli recants his testimony against Godfather Michael Corleone in a Senate hearing, pretending to be a confused old man who never heard of the mafia. So when Stone repeatedly told his buddy Randy Credico to "do a Frank Pentangeli" before Congress, a reasonable person would understand that to mean that he should deny all knowledge of their communications with Julian Assange and pretend to be crazy. Roger Stone is very much hoping that there are at least a few unreasonable people on that jury.

LOL, Stone was just suggesting that Credico lighten the mood in his appearance before the House Intel Committee by doing a few impressions. You know, just warm up the crowd with some mob schtick, then POW hit 'em with the Pee-wee Herman, and they'll be putty in your hands. NO COLLUSION!

Amazingly, Judge Jackson did not leap across the bench and beat the defendant about the wig with her gavel for insulting the dignity of her courtroom. But there are still several days left in this trial, so watch this space! Because the prosecutors have already introduced a whole trove communications about Wikileaks' stolen emails between Stone and psychopath Erik Prince, Paul Manafort's lackey Rick Gates, and Trump campaign manager Steve Bannon. Both Bannon and Gates are expected to testify, as well as Randy Credico. Perhaps he will favor the court with his famed Groucho Marx interpretation! It's gonna be a circus.

But if you've got a circus, then Stone's lunatic pals will turn it into a three-ring, rightwing dumpster fire. Alex Jones already attempted to doxx one of the jurors. Except, being Alex Jones, he fucked it up, as the Daily Beast reports:

Jones' attacks on the jury were based on reporting that the first potential juror in the case was a former Obama administration employee in the Office of Management and Budget whose husband works for the Department of Justice. But in his rush to attack the potential juror as a deep-state plant, Jones appears to have gotten the wrong person.

During his broadcast, Jones didn't show a picture of the actual potential juror, who, despite his claims, didn't make it onto the jury anyway. Instead, he showed a picture of another former OMB staffer who appears to be totally unrelated to the Stone trial.

Then, at lunch, Stone convened a meeting of the Deplatformed Troll Club in the courthouse cafeteria with Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes, Pizzagate promoter Jack Posobiec, and Milo Yiannopoulos, a gay fascist who was so "out there" he actually got fired from Breitbart. All under the watchful eye of an inflated rat.

Then Tucker Carlson finished out the day by attacking Judge Jackson, calling her "an Obama appointee, and transparently and aggressively political." Tucker is GRRR SO MAD that the judge placed a gag order on Stone after he tweeted a picture of her in crosshairs and made repeated public comments about the case. How is it that "CNN and MSNBC were free to continue to slander Stone relentlessly" but "if Stone said a single word in his defense, Jackson vowed to put him behind bars," thundered the preeminent legal scholar of Fox News. All the while, video of Judge Jackson played on the screen. (And if you want to see it, you can ride the Google bus right over to Gateway Pundit. But NFW are we linking to that incitement.)

This is a bloody nightmare, and it's just beginning.

[CNN / Stone Indictment / BuzzFeed / DB]

Follow Liz (AKA your FDF) on Twitter!

Please click here to fund your Wonkette, who is pedaling as fast as we can!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc