Roger Stone Demands Steve Bannon DEBATE ME, YOU COWARD
It's gonna be the greatest thing since Ali versus Frazier! Just Roger Stone and Steve Bannon, mano a mano, to the death.
Well, perhaps not that last bit. And perhaps not at all, since Bannon appears to be treating Stone's challenge to DEBATE ME, YOU COWARD like a fart in an elevator, holding his nose and pretending the whole malodorous business never happened. But we can all smell what Roger is dealing.
Here he is doing primal scream therapy with Alex Jones on Tuesday.
"He testified falsely at my trial against me," Stone ranted. "He was an informant for Robert Mueller."
Nice covid brows. Hey, apropos of nothing, remember that anecdote about Maurice Sendak modeling the Wild Things after his weird-looking uncles from the old country?
Anyhoo! Stone is very mad that Bannon "perjured himself at my trial" by suggesting that Stone was the campaign's conduit to Wikileaks.
"Right now, here, today, I'm challenging Steve Bannon to come on Infowars and debate this. Let's have it out! Alex, you can moderate it so it stays civil."
Because if you're looking for civil discourse, hit up the guy who managed to get himself kicked off both Pinterest and YouPorn for being a dangerous maniac.
And civility is Stone's highest priority. Which is why just last month he exhorted his followers to physically attack Bannon if they should happen upon him.
"If you see this fat disheveled load of s**t, I strongly recommend that you punch him in the mouth as hard as you possibly can. Do it for America!" he wrote on Gab. But that was May, and June is a kindler, gentler month.
"The gauntlet has been laid down, Big Steve," said the last dude on earth who should be criticizing someone else's appearance. "Come on, Sloppy Steve. We can find a suit and tie for you that's clean, I think."
Asked by Jones why Bannon would testify falsely against his onetime pal, Stone suggested that it was because Bannon was at the time under federal investigation for fraud in connection with the "We Build the Wall" scam. Then Stone launched into an extended fantasy about prosecutorial disclosure requirements and the inevitability of his own vindication on false statements, witness tampering, and obstruction charges if Trump hadn't swooped in and pardoned him.
How much trucker speed does it take before this shit starts to make sense? Send trucker speed! (Do not send trucker speed. Your Wonkette is losin' it already.)
"Steve Bannon should not be able to put himself forward as an advocate of the America First agenda!" Stone thundered. "Steve Bannon publicly accused the president of having Alzheimers. He said the Trump Organization was a criminal enterprise. He said that Trump would be prosecuted."
But Jones, thrilled at the novelty of being in a room with someone who makes him look rational by comparison, interrupted.
"Well, now, here's the sixty-four trillion dollar question. Why did Trump give him a pardon?"
(Man, Tucker Carlson wasn't kidding about hyperinflation. Damn you, Biden!)
"I think he was blackmailed, that's my opinion," Stone responded without missing a beat.
It's so obvious! But also, how can you blackmail someone who is perfect and blameless, like Our Dear Leader? What embarrassing scandal could Bannon possibly reveal about this living saint?
Or maybe ...
Oh, no, it's too crazy even for this dirty trickster!
Could it be that Roger Stone, who is himself under pending federal investigation for failing to pay his taxes, is trying to get Bannon to admit to crimes so that Stone can testify against Bannon as part of a double-super-secret deal with the feds? Will the FBI be doing LOCK HER UPS to Bannon and calling off the IRS in gratitude to fine, upstanding Roger Stone? Is Stone in bed with Attorney General Merrick Garland? WHOA IF TRUE.
Peace be upon Salon's Zachary Petrizzo, who watches all this shit so we don't have to. We'll eat you up, we love you so!
In sumary and in conclusion, YIKES.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.