Roger Stone WANTS To Go To Jail
Like a case of drug-resistant gonorrhea, Roger Stone came oozing back last week. Stone's team of crack attorneys spent months plastering the court docket with worthless motions arguing that Robert Mueller is ILLEGAL because CNN was outside Stone's house when the feds arrested him, more or less. But that was just the warm up, see, because Stone's legal team is about to blow the lid off this whole investigation. Now they have science proof that there is ...
NO RUSSIA! NO RUSSIA! HILLARY CLINTON IS THE REAL RUSSIA!
Okay, they really do not have proof. What they have are signed Declarations from a couple of long-retired NSA guys who are SURE that the DNC hack was an inside job. Wiliam Binney and Peter Clay "examined the metadata" and decided that some of the stolen emails were transferred to Wikileaks on a thumb drive. Ipso facto propter hoc, it must have been removed from the DNC on a thumb drive! (The idea that the Russians could have put the hacked emails on a thumb drive and transferred them to Wikileaks seems not to have occurred to them.) And that means there is NO RUSSIA and Roger Stone broke no laws when he lied to Congress. Allegedly.
Binney is a crank from that wingnut group Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity -- aka the VIPS, hawhaw -- that Dana Rohrabacher shoe-horned into a meeting with Mike Pompeo to "prove" that the DNC hack was an inside job and thus Mueller is UNLEGAL. Binney started at the NSA in 1970 and hasn't worked there since 2001, but if you want someone to program your flip phone, he's your guy.
As further proof, if any were needed, Stone cites to a sentence on page 47 of the Mueller Report admitting that, "The Office cannot rule out that stolen documents were transferred to WikiLeaks through intermediaries who visited during the summer of 2016." Hmmmmm, let's zoom out on that one, shall we?
Oh, so that sentence comes right after a paragraph explaining how the Russian Guccifer 2.0 persona used the DCLeaks email to forward stolen files to Wikileaks, and right before a sentence speculating that hacker Andrew Müller-Maguhn may have "transferred" stolen files to Assange -- NOT that he himself, or anyone other than Russian hackers, stole the files.
Judges just love briefs where quotes are taken entirely out of context. No doubt Judge Amy Berman Jackson will be extremely impressed!
Friday, the DC U.S. Attorney filed a reply motion. If we might summarize, it said:
- HAHA, FOH with those low-rent, Radio Shack "cyber" guys;
- We got 18 warrants on Roger Stone's saggy ass, from three different federal judges and multiple federal magistrates, but please, tell us more about how we didn't have probable cause; and
- Literally none of Stone's NO RUSSIA motion is relevant to the fact that he lied to Congress and tried to get Jerome Corsi and Randy Credico to lie, too, which would be crimes even if the Russia investigation were a hoax. Which it wasn't.
LOL, remember that time when Roger Stone texted Credico, "Prepare to die cock sucker," and then claimed it was a wish for Credico's speedy recovery from testicular cancer, which he didn't have? Yessir, Roger Stone is one smooth operator! Indeed, he was feeling very smooth this weekend when he posted this to instagram.
Apparently, the post was removed by Instagram, and not by that blazing idiot, who is currently under a gag order to prevent him talking publicly about his case and the "treasonous" origins of the Mueller investigation. This one's still up, though.
As is this one praising Donald Trump's enduring virility by ... posting a picture of him looking bloated and bald?
No doubt Roger Stone has A PLAN and is not just throwing money away paying his lawyers to file frivolous briefs that will only piss Judge Jackson off even more than the image of her with a crosshairs next to her head. He's definitely not an aging codger who has been inhaling his own fumes for so long he can no longer distinguish between reality and an online fantasy world where this is a good idea.
Errrr ... Someone do a wellness check on Stone's lawyers, STAT!
Follow your FDF on Twitter!
Please click here to fund your Wonkette. And NO, we will not sign your ass, pervs!
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.