Ron DeSantis Can March His Little White Boots In Lockstep With Putin, Just Like Trump And Tucker!

Some polls are showing a real race between Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis, so it was time for Mr. DeSanctimonious himself, Mr. DeSanctus for short — because Donald Trump knows what those words mean! — to give Tucker Carlson a pro-Russian, anti-Ukrainian statement to read on his show. Little D meets Little T!

Is this the new initiation rite for viable Republican candidates? Did Tucker make Ron swear an oath in Russian on Zoom after the show? Just asking.

Anyway, DeSantis spewed every Kremlin line in the book in his statement on Russia's war against Ukraine.

He said:

“While the U.S. has many vital national interests — securing our borders, addressing the crisis of readiness with our military, achieving energy security and independence, and checking the economic, cultural and military power of the Chinese Communist Party — becoming further entangled in a territorial dispute between Ukraine and Russia is not one of them,” Mr. DeSantis said in a statement that Mr. Carlson read aloud on his show. [...]

“The Biden administration’s virtual ‘blank-check’ funding of this conflict for ‘as long as it takes,’ without any defined objectives or accountability, distracts from our country’s most pressing challenges,” he said. [...]

“F-16s and long-range missiles should therefore be off the table,” he added. “These moves would risk explicitly drawing the United States into the conflict and drawing us closer to a hot war between the world’s two largest nuclear powers. That risk is unacceptable.”

Ooh, "territorial dispute." That's spoonfed right out of Vladimir Putin's butthole. Know who calls it a "border dispute"? Tucker. Just a wee "territorial dispute" they're having, when Russia drives tanks across the border and starts firing missiles at Ukrainian babies' faces. Russia didn't actively start this genocidal war. These two countries are just having a little fight.

DeSantis says it's not in our national interest to deter Russia's warmongering, and also weirdly makes sure to say we should not help in any way that would "enable Ukraine to engage in offensive operations beyond its borders." You know, because of all Ukraine's aggressive behavior up to now.

On top of that, you have "blank check" and refusing to give Ukraine the weapons it needs, plus a soupçon of scaremongering about nuclear war, which is exactly the kind of concern-trolling rhetoric that makes Putin sleep well at night. He can rest easy knowing President DeSantis wouldn't help Ukraine win a conventional war against Russia, and he'd piss his pants worrying that Putin might start a nuclear war if America gets too Ukraine-y.

Meanwhile, Putin is just sitting there with his dick in his hand watching these boys fight to prove who loves him the best.

The yapping continued:

“A policy of ‘regime change’ in Russia (no doubt popular among the D.C. foreign policy interventionists),” Mr. DeSantis said, “would greatly increase the stakes of the conflict, making the use of nuclear weapons more likely. Such a policy would neither stop the death and destruction of the war, nor produce a pro-American, Madisonian constitutionalist in the Kremlin. History indicates that Putin’s successor, in this hypothetical, would likely be even more ruthless. The costs to achieve such a dubious outcome could become astronomical.”

Mr. DeSantis added, “We cannot prioritize intervention in an escalating foreign war over the defense of our own homeland, especially as tens of thousands of Americans are dying every year from narcotics smuggled across our open border and our weapons arsenals critical for our own security are rapidly being depleted.”

Kremlin/Tucker hallucinations that America is pushing regime change in Russia? Check. More scaremongering about nuclear war? Check. Everything Putin has ever wished upon a star? Check check check check check.

DeSantis even took a shit on the sanctions the Biden administration and our allies have put on Russia. It's pretty much a full surrender.

The New York Times notes that DeSantis's statement came in response to a questionnaire Tucker sent out to all the potential and declared Republican candidates. Trump of course responded, even though Tucker totally hates him. In his answer he yapped in all caps about how he'd make a peace deal so fast, yadda yadda, probably sounded better in the original second-grade reading level Russian. We already know Trump wants to "make peace" by giving Russia everything it wants, including Ukrainian land. You know, to end this little "territorial dispute" Russia started when it invaded a sovereign country for no reason besides how Putin has these sick, sad fantasies about restoring Russia to a greatness that never existed.

The Times notes that other potential and declared Republican candidates — Mike Pence, Nikki Haley, Chris Christie, Tim Scott — are far more supportive of Ukraine. All together they must account for, what, two or three percent of the Republican primary vote? But credit where credit is due, as those folks and also Republican leaders like Mitch McConnell actually want President Joe Biden to do more for Ukraine.

Even Florida Republican Senator Marco Rubio is nipping at DeSantis's pantleg, being very condescending about how "Obviously, he doesn't deal with foreign policy every day as governor." (To be fair, Rubio is vice chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee and also sits on the Foreign Relations Committee.)

But alas, this is where Little D is planting his flag, and it's not the American flag. Several news outlets note that in the past, DeSantis has been much tougher on Russia, but not anymore.

And really, it makes sense that DeSantis would ultimately end up on Putin's side of the fence. Volodymyr Zelenskyy is a hero to his people and the free world. Vladimir Putin is a pissy despot who loves Don't Say Gay Laws, bullying the press, fascism, and lying.

Maybe he can get some little cute white boots in his size and he and DeSantis can do little marches together.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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