Loser Ronna Romney McDaniel Fends Off Bigger Losers, Wins

Loser Ronna Romney McDaniel Fends Off Bigger Losers, Wins
Ronna McDaniel cosplays as the leader of an oppressive dystopia, CPAC 2018. Original photo by Gage Skidmore, Creative Commons license 2.0

This week brought the spectacle of the Republican National Committee winter meetings, which is sort of like CPAC but with fewer anonymous M4M ads trolling for Republican cock on Craigslist. If CPAC is the Weimar Germany of Republican party functions, the winter meetings are sort of the bingo night at the rest home for the GOP.

Or this used to be the case, back in the staid old days when the party chair was mostly understood to be a dull functionary charged with raising money and installing friends in high-paying party patronage gigs and making rah-rah speeches on the rubber-chicken dinner circuit and reassuring Iowa and New Hampshire voters that of course they are very special and all the presidential candidates are truly thrilled to spend the winter months tromping through their charming small towns sipping instant Folger’s and nibbling on stale corn muffins and listening to some dairy farmer explain that ACTUALLY the methane emissions from a herd of cows can be very healthy for the environment.

Nowadays, though, the GOP chair has to be a smug attention whore with zero self-esteem and a willingness to thoroughly abase herself in front of Donald Trump, lest his minions start calling her a RINO and demanding she step down in favor of a furious mynah bird shrieking “KILL THE MARXISTS” over and over and over again.

Yes, Ronna Romney McDaniel was running for yet another term as RNC chair, why do you ask? Do you think presiding over massive electoral underperformance in 2018, 2020 and 2022 is going to stop her? And anyway, why should it? Donald Trump literally tried to overthrow the government, and he’s currently far and away the leading presidential contender for the GOP.

So Friday afternoon it was time for the very exciting spectacle of hundreds of white people milling around an event space at a Waldorf Astoria in Dana Point, California, casting their vote for the barrage balloon that will spend the next two years floating over the fleet and taking incoming.

McDaniel was opposed by Harmeet Dhillon, a conservative lawyer, Trump sycophant and occasional Fox News guest who could nonetheless theoretically bring a vague aura of competence to the job, though a reminder that because it’s the GOP, we are grading potential competence on a huuuuuuge curve.

She was also opposed by MyPillow guy and partly melted Droopy Dog waxwork Mike Lindell, who had been challenging McDaniel to a debate, which she wisely avoided, presumably because she understood that one cannot debate crazy, one can merely fire a tranquilizer dart the size of an MX missile into its neck and hope for the best.

Lindell seemed to know he was running a distant third going into the day, and therefore spent a few minutes before the vote explaining to the press that he was only losing because of “cancel culture” and would win if local party leaders, who do not vote in national RNC elections, got to vote.

Dhillon campaigned unfathomably hard for the job. She tried to neutralize whatever threat Lindell posed by promising his supporters she would make him communications director of the RNC if she won, which would have been entertaining in the same way that the trench warfare in “All Quiet on the Western Front” was entertaining: bloody and horrible beyond all human comprehension, but we still never looked at our watch.

Dhillon also reportedly had a surrogate promise RNC members that she would get big MAGA superstars to do fundraisers in their states in exchange for their votes. Superstars like, uh, Kari Lake, last seen riding the “crushed in a landslide” train as far down the tracks as it will take her. Dhillon was also endorsed by Ron DeSantis, who is an asshole.

Somehow none of this wheeling and dealing and whining and pissing and moaning worked out for the challengers. Despite rumors that the sharks have been circling McDaniel for months, she was easily re-elected with 111 votes to Dhillon’s 51 and Lindell’s four.

Congrats on winning the race, Ronna. Your prize is that you get to spend the next two years trying to get all the stormtroopers goose-stepping in the same direction.


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